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Carrion Luggage #1088205 added April 27, 2025 at 9:22am
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Just Say No
I've been wanting to get to this one for some time now, but it's just evaded the random numbers like someone who owes me money avoids me.
"No."
That's how.
I'm going to let "financial therapist" slide for now.
Lending money to a friend or family member can put a strain on the relationship if you're not careful.
Wow, Einstein, you really have a firm grasp of the obvious.
Nearly a quarter of people who lent money or covered a group expense with the expectation of being paid back say doing so negatively impacted their relationship with the other party, Bankrate's 2024 financial taboos survey found.
Frankly, I'm surprised it's less than 25%.
"Decide if you can afford to give them the money and if you can't, you may not really be in a position to help," Aja Evans, a board-certified therapist who specializes in financial therapy, tells CNBC Make It.
Okay, no, the implication there is that if you can afford to give them the money, you should do it. This is also bullshit. Sometimes, giving people money enables them or helps them avoid the consequences of their own actions, and you shouldn't do it.
That's not to say having that conversation is easy, Evans says. Often, close friends or family members may be aware of the things you're spending money on, like clothes or vacations, and make judgements about what you can or can't afford.
Which demonstrates a lousy understanding of how money works. "How can you be poor? You just bought a big house and a Porsche." "Yes, and after spending all that money, I'm broke." Anyone who doesn't understand that "big purchase means you have less money" needs financial therapy, not a bail-out.
"Just because you have it in your account doesn't mean you can give it," she says. "Especially if you know other bills are coming."
Or even if you know you're going to need it when you're old and unable to get any more from work or from skinflint family members.
Directly saying no when a friend or family member asks for money can be hard, especially if you've loaned them money in the past.
I don't care how emotionally hard it is. "No" is a very short, simple, one-syllable word in most languages, including English. It's not hard to pronounce.
Now, I don't mean that we shouldn't take care of our friends and family. And you might fear losing them if you don't acquiesce to their pleas for pelf. But, honestly, family or not, friends or not, some people are no great loss, and that includes perpetual mooches.
The rest of your friends and family might just respect you more for standing up to them instead of giving in.
And to reiterate, it's not hard: you just open your mouth and say: "No." |
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