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Why I Write
When I write, I draw on my experiences as a woman with a painful past, a rapturous wife and mother, a world traveler, and a spiritualist. For me, writing is an art form. Like an artist, the work becomes more than I imagined it would be. When I set out to write a story with a particular idea or character in mind, words I cannot claim as my own flow from a magical and mysterious place through me and onto paper. The work takes on a life of its own; it is living art. The process fascinates me, satiates me, and makes my life more meaningful.
Please read my stories! If you would like to offer me feedback on my work, please click here and sign up for a free membership: https://heftynicki.Writing.com
I hope to see you there!
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Love: Reflections #634359 added February 6, 2009 at 9:13pm
Restrictions: None
Day Four - White Rose
A white rose symbolizes: Purity, Innocence, Silence, Secrecy, Reverence, Humility, Youthfulness, "I am worthy of you", Heavenly.
For Day 4, write a letter to your younger self (before the teenage years when you were pure and innocent and receptive to advice) warning/suggesting/guiding your younger self about all the things that lie ahead in the love portion of their life.
Dear Nicole,
I see you clearly, the ends of your long, wild chestnut hair chasing after you as you skip across childhood fields of promise. It is a time to treasure, a time of innocence and giggles, teddy bears and hugs, security and love.
It will be fleeting, beautiful girl.
You were born on the cusp of a new era of enlightenment. The generation who will raise you will be the last to enjoy the self-indulgence of ignorance, the last to hold their heads high and their eyes closed to the effects their actions wrought upon their children. Do not be afraid! There are great advantages to your predicament, though the price will seem too high to pay before you begin to enjoy the benefits. But you are so young, too young to understand what I am saying. Here, let me try to explain in a way you will understand.
Mommy and Daddy are good people, and they love you very much. They do the best they can, but they are sad inside because they wish life was easier for them. That sadness makes them say and do things that they shouldn’t. Especially Daddy, who grew up watching his step-father drink a lot of beer and hit his mother and brothers and sisters. Daddy thought it was mean, but it was normal to him – the way it goes for grown-ups – so now when he needs to relax he drinks beer, and as time goes on, he will begin to drink too much. When he becomes angry, he will hit you.
I don’t want you to think he doesn’t love you! You will wonder why he doesn’t hit your sisters, though, and I want you to think about what I’m about to say. It won’t be because you are a bad person, or unlovable. It’s just that Daddy sees a lot of himself in your eyes. You look more like him than your sisters who all look more like Mommy. When he looks into your chocolate eyes, he sees fierce independence, incredible passion, and endless creativity. Those pretty brown eyes of yours are a mirror into his soul, and when he sees all the possibilities you have for your future, all your God-given gifts, he feels sad for himself. He thinks his dreams are dead, because he has so many responsibilities in taking care of his wife and children. You know, you were their first child, and the reason Mommy and Daddy got married. A small, selfish part of Daddy whispers that you were the beginning of the end of his dreams. I don’t think Daddy likes to hear it, but I also don’t think he can stop listening.
All the little children like you will grow up thinking about how people are affected by the way their mommys and daddys treated them. You are part of the first generation of people to really explore how harmful it is to hit a child. You will learn to understand all the pain you feel, but it will take a long time.
During that time, please believe these things: You are a gentle, caring soul who is worthy of love. You will be loved by others because you are kind, compassionate, and good. You do not need to exchange anything for love. If someone will only love you because you give them something, then they don’t deserve your love. Remember when you were in kindergarten, and a little boy said he would only be your friend if you gave him your Hostess cupcake? Mommy said he was being naughty and that you were right to say no to him. She said you shouldn’t want a friend who would take your lunch dessert away from you. She was right! As you grow older, you must always remember that your friendship IS the gift you should give. Friendship, or love, is not a thing you earn by giving something precious to another.
I’ll share something with you that I have discovered in my life. The difficult lessons I learned, and the pain I suffered through, made me the strong person I am today. It took me a while to understand that enjoying a happy life full of love is a choice each person must make. Life is a series of trials, and disappointments happen all the time. When you choose to see the good in yourself, when you decide to work toward what is important to you, and when you invite love into your life, you will feel happiness. And you will be loved.
And remember, I will always love you!
 Nicole
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