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Complex Numbers #1037901 added September 20, 2022 at 12:01am
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On Sale
Today, we're back to talking about marketing. You won't believe what happens next!
I'd argue that all of them are.
In the modern world, marketing pervades just about every aspect of our lives, from what we eat to how we spend our free time to who we rub our genitals on. Even some of the most basic facts of life and institutions we hold most sacred can be traced back to some guy who wanted to sell us something.
I've said before that science is value-neutral, but it can be used for good or evil. Marketing is an example of using the soft science of psychology for evil.
Well, okay, it's not always "evil." But I wouldn't call it "good" for anyone but the person making money and/or gaining power from it. So I think it's important to know the tricks, if only to protect yourself from it.
Since this is Cracked, the list counts down. And since there are 15 of them, I'm going to be choosy.
15. Coffee Breaks
...but it didn’t become widespread and wasn’t even called a “coffee break” until it reached the ears of the Pan American Coffee Bureau in 1952, when their launched their “Give Yourself a Coffee-Break” campaign to take advantage of the opportunity to sell more coffee.
No amount of marketing can convince me that coffee is something I should drink. On the other hand, Coke's marketing worked on me.
13. Bacon
Remember back in the 2000s, when everything from chewing gum to lube came in bacon? It was a confusing and chaotic time, and it was all because the health craze of the ‘80s plummeted pork sales, so executives crafted a backlash as a way to, again, sell more bacon.
On the other hand, bacon is delicious, and I've often wondered if Atkins was getting kickbacks from Big Pork.
Oh, and that decade was the noughties. Goddammit, I am going to make that a Thing. Even if I have to resort to marketing to do it.
11. Diamond Engagement Rings
I think people have finally caught on that this was a gigantic marketing gimmick by DeBeers, and yet the "tradition" (less than 100 years old, per this article) continues that one must gift slave carbon to one's betrothed.
10. Wedding Registries
By the 1920s, the ancient practice of showering newlyweds with weird symbolic gifts had mostly died out, and only their closest friends and family were expected to do anything more than party their faces off. That didn’t suit department store Marshall Fields, who invented the wedding registry in 1924 to sell more merchandise under the guise of providing the couple with everything they need to start their new life (except any kind of useful sex education).
Speaking of symbolic gifts, periodically, I'll see one of those "anniversary" lists that show what you're "supposed" to give each other for particular wedding anniversary milestones. I've wondered why more people didn't market based on that.
8. Father’s Day
Look, almost every holiday has been either co-opted by marketers, or came about specifically to sell shit. We know this. Father's Day is just one of the more recent of these. (To her credit, the lady who promoted Mother's Day  in the US was reportedly incensed about all the selling surrounding it.)
4. Ten Commandments Monuments
People are pretty protective over the monuments to the Ten Commandments that appear on government property across the country considering they didn’t exist until Cecil B. DeMille needed to promote a movie.
Worst of all, the vast majority of the Ten Commandments (whichever version you believe in) have absolutely no bearing on the modern legal system. But that's a blog for another time.
1. Santa Claus
Of course, Santa as we know him wasn't popularized until 1931, when Coca-Cola unveiled its latest holiday campaign featuring the red-coated, red-nosed, “huh, suspiciously red-focused” Santa of the modern era, inspired by the description in “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.”
Perhaps one of the most successful marketing campaigns of all time, though I'm not sure how effective it is anymore at selling fizzy beverages. But considering I'm already seeing Santa-themed bullshit everywhere in September and I don't even leave the house, well, someone's making money somewhere.
And again, there's nothing wrong with wanting to sell something actually useful. It's only when that power is used for wicked ends, like overpriced fake-wellness products and chicken wings, that I have a problem. |
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