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Complex Numbers #1047477 added April 4, 2023 at 11:46am
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Only the Lonely
I saved this one a long time ago (relatively speaking), and I don't remember why. Let's find out together, shall we?
"One word?" But "chicken soup" is two words. Also, what about limiting your exposure to the danger of being around people?
Have you ever gone to bed at night feeling sad or lonely?
Well, that's not a good question. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone over the age of, I dunno, zero, who has never gone to bed feeling sad or lonely.
Then, you woke up not feeling refreshed, but exhausted and on edge. You are not alone.
Yes. Yes, you are. Otherwise you wouldn't have been feeling lonely, would you?
We all know how Covid has produced higher levels of isolation. Wearing masks, as important as they are, is the equivalent of placing an emotional wall between yourself and others because you can't recognize facial expressions.
Oh, boo hoo. Most of my human interaction takes place on the internet. Facial expressions are entirely optional, with practice. What surprised me, with my partial face-blindness, was how I'd manage to recognize people even with masks on. I quickly came to realize that I don't rely on mouths at all, noses somewhat less, mostly hair and eyes. Speaking of which, eyes are very expressive, and they're generally not covered by N-95 masks.
Furthermore, the lack of daily contact caused by sitting in front of a computer screen (I'm certainly guilty of that) is no substitute for real, person-to-person contact and human touch.
Extrovert-like typing detected.
See? I can tell nuance just from phrasing.
But, okay. Most people are extroverts, so while very little of this applies to me, it's a window into that other world, the world of (shudder) people.
A study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that "Prior-day feelings of loneliness, sadness, threat, and lack of control were associated with a higher cortisol awakening response the next day." When cortisol floods the body and the brain, it has been shown to put the brakes on our immune system by reducing T-cells; cortisol has been shown to kill NK cells—important immune cells that help fight off viruses and even some kinds of tumors.
If I cared, I'd check that link and double-check some of the claims here. For our purposes, though, I'll take them, provisionally, at face value.
Imagine you had feelings of loneliness that lasted for days or weeks or longer.
I'm not a psychologist, but isn't that called "clinical depression?"
This could produce a chronic state of stress resulting in chronic health conditions. In fact, it's been reported that eight of 10 commonly prescribed medications are for symptoms of stress.
Or, and bear with me here, maybe people are stressed because they find themselves having to work long hours at a shitty job for subpar wages.
That's where mindfulness comes in.
Oh. That's why I saved this article.
To help reduce suffering, mindfulness teaches us how to experience the world through immersive inter-being with our surroundings. This means seeing ourselves mirrored in our human community, the air, the water, the planet, the plants, and all creatures large and small.
Too much work. And I've heard rumors that you can get such an experience through the use of certain pharmaceuticals. Oh, hey, maybe that's a reason why micro-doses of LSD are reported to cancel depression?
In our culture, it's commonplace to put a high value on our independence. This illusion of independence was lifted for me when I was in the monastery and had my first meal with the monks.
This came out of left field, but think "eastern," not "western."
If you haven't guessed by now, the "one word that fights off viruses and loneliness" is relationships.
There. Saved you a click.
The next evening that you feel lonely, remember that your body is listening in on your social and emotional experiences of the day. This is why that matters:
If you feel alone and lacking support, then your body will boost your cortisol response to prepare you for what it thinks will be a stressful day.
I'm not going to deny the link between mental and physical health, though it's probably way more complicated than a mere cortisol response. But I have a mantra for just such (rare) occasions: "Damn, it's good to be alone."
Alone doesn't mean lonely. Alone means you're not obligated to mitigate your actions for others' comfort or convenience. You don't have to watch your words or apologize later when you failed to. You don't have to concern yourself with whether or not someone else is hungry or tired. And best of all, you don't have to explain yourself.
Which is not to say I'm antisocial. I enjoy being around people, usually. Like on Saturday, when I went on a wine-tasting adventure with four other people (plus the very well-paid driver). Had a great time, found some delicious wines, saw some great views (it's a real privilege to live in Virginia).
Then everyone else went home, I passed out, and later, I got to nurse a hangover without worrying about how loud other people were being.
Back to the fluffy article:
Create mutually positive and satisfying relationships. This can take time, but the best mountain climber in the world can only take one step at a time. Start tonight by taking a simple, first step that connects you with another.
A "simple, first step" like "Hey, girl, I wonder if your software is compatible with my hardware?" My days of using pickup lines are long gone. My days of successfully using pickup lines are but a distant memory.
The article has a "conclusion" section, but I'm substituting my own:
Conclusion:
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