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I am SoCalScribe. This is my InkSpot.
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Blogocentric Formulations #1051512 added June 23, 2023 at 11:55pm
Restrictions: None
Christian Q&A + Faith
"Take up Your Cross"  | June 19, 2023
What evidence is there in your life that you are a Christian? If you were put on trial, would there be enough evidence to find you guilty of being a Christian? What do you think? What can be improved? Where are you on point? What goals do you have Spiritually for the rest of the year?
I guess we should probably take this one question at a time...
In terms of "evidence" in my life that I'm a Christian, I suppose outwardly it would be the fact that I read the Bible semi-regularly (not just on Sundays in church), I'm working on improving my prayer life, and I'm doing my best to live a life according to the teachings and lessons found in scripture. I should point out that someone can do all of those things and still not be an actual Christian, but the question is a bit of a "prove something intangible" vibe to it, so this is the best I have.
I can't really answer the question about whether a hypothetical trial to determine whether I'm a Christian would find me wanting or not. That's kind of God's domain, yes? I do the best that I can, and I think I'm a pretty good Christian, but part of being a Christian is acknowledging my own failings, my own shortcomings, and my own sin. Part of it is acknowledging that I'm flawed and not equipped to judge anyone, let alone myself. I sincerely hope that one day I'll stand in judgment and not be found lacking, and the only way I know how to do that is to not spend my time on this Earth walking around feeling like I've already crossed the finish line.
There's always work to be done, always improvements to be made. I read the Bible and pray a fair amount, but I could be doing more. I'm generous, but I could be more generous. I'm kind, but I could be kinder. I definitely need to work on the whole "love your enemies" thing. I think I do a pretty good job of understanding Jesus' core message of love and sacrifice for others, but I also know that I have a very, very long way to go before I can consider myself anything more than a pale, extremely flawed imitation of Jesus.
For the rest of the year, my spiritual goals involve finishing the third translation in my "five translations in five years" Bible reading goal, and to more confidently step out in faith. Which actually brings me to the second entry...
"Take up Your Cross" | June 15, 2023
Write about your biggest spiritual burden. Has God laid a special burden on your heart?
I'm not really sure I'd call it a "spiritual burden" per se, but the thing I struggle with the most is discerning God's will. I know a lot of people who seem so attuned to God and the work of the Holy Spirit; they always have a relevant word, or a feeling, or a picture that resonates with the person they're praying for. I read the Bible, I pray, I worship... and nada. I've never really felt particularly spiritually attuned, so it requires me to lean into the faith aspect of religion even more. Most of the time, I'm "acting as if" because I don't have any concrete experiences to point to with conviction.
I've wondered if it's in part because my life has been pretty blessed. While I have definitely gone through hardships over the years, it's nothing compared to the suffering some people go through. Maybe I haven't heard God clearly up to now because I haven't needed to be reliant on him very often up until this point. I can look back in hindsight and see where He's worked in my life, but in the moment I've found that very difficult... but maybe it's because, in those moments, I've often been in a situation where I'll be okay either way, whether he shows up or not.
These are the kinds of thoughts I struggle with in the absence of evidence and absolute conviction, so maybe that is my spiritual burden after all ... for someone like me who is generally skeptical and reality-based to have to continue to choose to walk a path by faith rather than certainty that it's the right one. 
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