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Complex Numbers #1056034 added September 21, 2023 at 10:43am
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Cold Reading
Might as well call this "How To Stop Being Awkward."
Lots of skills are well worth mastering. That doesn't mean we have the time, patience, or opportunity for all of them. For instance, to practice reading a room, one would have to repeatedly go out among people.
You walk into a conference room, dinner party, or group of playground parents and make a comment that immediately shifts the ballast of the conversation. Eyes dart at you. Their message is clear: Dude, read the room. But you’ve already said or done something out of sync with what’s appropriate in the moment.
Despite what I said above, I do go out among people from time to time, or at least I used to. While I can't say I've never embarrassed myself, I do think I have some skill at reading body language and facial expressions. Conversely, though, I've sometimes been one of the people saying, "Dude, read the room."
Learning how to read the room is an important skill, one that can be honed by pausing to observe a few key details.
No time for that. I have jokes to tell!
Think about if you’re home alone. You know that you can act a certain way, i.e., wear no pants.
I think I'm one of those weirdos who just feels better, even at home alone, wearing pants (well, sweatpants, but whatever). And a shirt. And a hat.
If company is there, you know enough to put on clothes.
Not if I want them to go away.
You want to practice, and like with a recipe or golf swing, you can get better if you invest the time. Find a partner who’s willing and will provide honest feedback.
"Find a partner." Right. Like that's easy.
Look at how people’s shoulders are angled. Then notice where their chests are pointing.
For fuck's sake. I've spent all of my adult life, and teenage years, forcing myself to NOT stare at half the peoples' chests.
You also want to notice people’s expressions as you listen to what they’re talking about, keying in on the paraverbals — the cadence, tone, volume, pace.
Hey, I learned a new word! If "paraverbals" is really a legitimate word. My browser underlines it with that squiggly red line.
It’ll take time, and you’ll make mistakes but because you’re trying, they’re usually non-fatal.
That's too bad, because if it's non-fatal, you spend the rest of your life waking up in a cold sweat at 4 am going, "Goddamn, I wish I hadn't said that."
Anyway, there's a lot more at the link. To me, it highlights the dangers of dealing with people. Fortunately, I've made enough mistakes of that sort that I never get invited anywhere anymore. Things are much easier online, and I'm all about easy. |
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