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Complex Numbers #1080806 added December 4, 2024 at 8:41am
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Brainy Day Blues
Getting hit in the head is rarely a good thing, but on the occasions when it is, Cracked has us covered.
And hey, if you're in a civilized country, you might even get to skip the "huge hospital bill" part.
If you get hit on the head, you might die...
Occasionally, however, your brain may change in a way no one could predict.
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend getting hit on the head, bitten by a radioactive spider, or falling into a vat of industrial chemicals as reliable means of obtaining superpowers.
5. Turning Into a Math Artist
History doesn’t record exactly what karaoke songs were performed in Tacoma on September 13, 2002. They must have been pretty bad because two men went up to Jason Padgett outside one karaoke bar and kicked his head in.
The only song I knew in 2002 that would inspire that level of rage was by Celine Dion. Anyway, he got a concussion, but then...
Padgett was diagnosed with a variant of synesthesia, where rather than perceiving colors or sounds when confronted with unrelated sensory input, he sees math.
While some people might consider this ability a curse, I call it a superpower.
4. Your Mental Diseases Cured
He told his mother he’d rather die than go on, and she replied (according to George’s account), “If your life is so wretched, just go and shoot yourself.” So, he did.
Mom of the Century award, right there.
As for whether anyone should consider trying something similar as a form of self-medication, doctors said, “No, of course not. What are you, nuts?”
I just wonder if this was the inspiration for the end of Fight Club.
3. Gourmand Syndrome
Doctors associate it with a specific type of damage to the brain’s right hemisphere. It’s not an eating disorder. Those who have it do not overeat (or undereat). They just become very interested in high-quality food.
Hey, I wonder if that's what happened to me, only with beer.
2. Becoming a Chinese Caricature
One of the sillier possible effects of a coma is known as foreign accent syndrome.
Silly, maybe. Not really a superpower.
1. Absolutely Nothing
A Frenchman came to the hospital in 2007 with a seemingly insignificant complaint: His legs felt weak. Doctors gave him some scans and discovered something slightly more serious: He appeared to be missing almost his entire brain.
We have an epidemic of that over here.
As for how he was able to engage in a profession despite lacking a brain, well, it turned out that he worked for the government...
Saw that coming.
Anyway, again, I don't recommend slamming your head into a wall to see if it gives you superpowers. Unless you sing Celine Dion at karaoke. |
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