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Complex Numbers #600718 added August 7, 2008 at 1:10pm
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Enough, already
So I started physical therapy for my back, and my pain promptly increased exponentially. I spent half the day Saturday, and all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and half the day today (hey, we're only halfway into Thursday) in pain that would make me spill state secrets if I knew any. And if anyone was around for me to spill them to. But no, in addition to being in intense, agonizing agony, I was also completely alone for most of that time, because, well, who would want to be around a middle-aged guy whose favorite expression is "AAAAGGGGHHHHH!"?
So, sitting here with molten lead being poured down my leg (that is what they're doing, right?) I happened to come across a link to something that promised to make my head explode. Head explode? Why, that'll make the pain go away!
http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/08/07/5-scientific-theories-head-explode/
Sadly, it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, which implies that my head exploded long ago, and the pain is mostly an illusion. However, parts of it did make me laugh, and as everyone knows, when you laugh you can't feel pain.
We’re all familiar with the basics of evolution: that a munificent monkey-goddess birthed us all from Her banana-scented womb. But there are some lesser-discussed implications of natural selection that are just plain weird.
...
Actually imagining just how infinitesimal you are in the scope of the universe is like autoerotic asphyxiation: it’s not as pleasant as you’d think, and if you do it wrong you can end up a vegetable.
Oh, and don't ask me "what'd you do?" I get that every damn day, from people who for whatever reason can't find an excuse to be anywhere but near me. Look, as the above article should make perfectly clear, the universe is awash in random, chaotic, rare events, like meteors hitting fast-food places or Britney Spears saying something funny. Not every illness or injury is the sick or injured person's fault. I've even heard of cases of lung cancer where the person never smoked, so you can't blame them for their own illness - and you can't blame me for this pain. In a random universe, some things just... happen.
Now a bunch of you smartasses are going to respond to this with "What'd you do?" I'll cheerfully ignore such smartassery, keeping in mind that it is still better to be a smartass than a dumbass |
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