I was 15 when I had my first real boyfriend. He was a very handsome Indonesian-European boy, a so called Indo, who could play guitar, tennis, and draw cartoons. He was 18 at the time. He broke up after 1 ½ years or so stating I was a little bit cold (meaning I wouldn’t sleep with him, only kiss) and since I wasn’t prepared for it I was devastated. I cried the whole summer and wrote into my diary. But I got passed it and when I saw him again from time to time I was my old self and not interested in him any longer, which felt good. After 3 months into the breakup he showed up again wanting me back. He manipulated me into the new relationship by convincing me he would kill himself if I didn’t take him back. I believed him and we started over. I felt awful and very much responsible for his well being. Of course this didn’t work and in about two months I broke up with him.

A friend of mine had the same thing going with her relationship years later; also the threat to commit suicide if she was to leave him. I think it is one of the worst things you can threaten someone with. At that age I fell for it big time. Now I would say: if you want to kill yourself, go ahead, but don’t fuck with my mind. It is emotional blackmail of the worst kind.