Today, I am totally triggered by the word ‘fear’, so that answers the prompt in a way. Fear is really more alarming to me than success. Fear can paralyze you in a way success never can. And it does today.

The day before yesterday, I went to the bi-annual checkup for breast cancer; today I am having a really big off-day as a result of that. I have slept away a great deal of the morning, unable to go to work today. I just didn’t feel like it. I am so much afraid the GP will call me within a fortnight with the negative results.

I know of course there is no use in feeling the way I do, if and only if something is the matter there is plenty of time to feel afraid and act. Now is not the most sensible time to feel this way, but unfortunately I do. I try to forbid myself to go places in my mind that only fuels these thoughts, I am trying to find ways to be preoccupied but I am not able to do so, I am captured in this anxiety of fear of pain and even death. It depresses me today. So I let myself be depressed and go into that horrible feeling. Writing this down helps, maybe I can squeeze a fine poem out of it.

This summer was all about writing and being involved in Writing.Com. I’ve had the most productive three months ever and I loved every single minute of it. I didn’t get around cleaning my house the way I had planned, that’s the chore that got side tracked by all this writing.

Furthermore, I visited my sister up North, I had a nice picnic in the park with friends and I did have time to sit in the sun on terraces with a nice drink watching people go by. So all in all, I had a very good summer.