|
About This Author
Come closer.
|
Complex Numbers #944329 added October 28, 2018 at 1:10am
Restrictions: None
Advice
https://www.thecut.com/2018/10/on-waking-up-early.html
I have some unsolicited work (life?) advice, which is that if you don’t know how to deal with a problem, or a whole host of problems, try getting up obscenely early. Like 5 or even 4 a.m. Just for a little while, at least, like maybe three or four years.
What a coincidence, because I, too, have unsolicited work/life advice, which is that if you don't know how to deal with a problem, drink.
It's easier than getting up early - though not cheaper - and has the added benefit of keeping you from thinking about your problems. And as we all know, if we don't think about our problems, eventually they go away. Things like work, family, and friends, for example. If you think about it, those are the sources of 95% of your problems. (The other 5% usually stem from making stupid decisions, such as not drinking.)
Even if it doesn't work to stop you from thinking about your problems, at the very least it makes you more likely to open up to the bartender about them. Bartenders love to hear about drunk peoples' problems; otherwise, they wouldn't be bartenders. Be sure to tip well. Since you might not be able to compute a proper tip at the end of the evening, just slip her a $20 bill now and then (or, if you're British... well, I can't remember if Brits tip bartenders or not, so come to the US and then tip the bartender.)
As if this weren't enough, drinking will keep you from doing something really douchey like waking up early or starting CrossFit training. If you do happen to wake up early, you'll have a hangover and you'll need to pee. Just remember, don't look into the mirror while you're in the loo. Self-reflection is for sober people.
Meanwhile, you'll find that you're awake, on average, for the same number of hours every day, regardless of when you wake up or when you go to sleep, so don't freaking sweat the whole catching-the-worm thing. After all, as a wise person once noted, "The early bird might catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
Oh and hey, quick note - I have to go on an emergency trip to Atlantic City (a good friend of mine just got divorced and he needs to drink), so if I don't post over the next couple of days, that's why. |
© Copyright 2018 Robert Waltz (UN: cathartes02 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Robert Waltz has granted InkSpot.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
