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Complex Numbers #977844 added March 12, 2020 at 3:20am
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Today's entry is #3 of 8 for:
Women and Autism. Towards a Better Understanding | Sarai Pahla | TEDxMünster
I didn't pick this video from the prompt list for any particular reason; like the other entries I do, it came up at random.
A brief summary for anyone who's bothering to read this but can't be arsed to watch the video: a large, autistic black woman describes her struggles and frustrations in the dating world.
On Diversity
I said "large, autistic black woman" above. These terms are loaded and I can get in trouble for using them, but they're reflective of how the speaker defines herself. The whole talk is about how she has trouble finding love, but in the last 20 years she's been on more dates than I have, so my sympathy is limited.
That's because my last date was 20 years ago. That's about when I met my future ex-wife, and since then, I, supposedly a mid-sized neurotypical white man, haven't had the motive or opportunity. The Venn diagram of "people I might want to date" and "people who might want to date me" has no overlap at all.
I say "supposedly" there because whenever I see writing or speech from someone on the spectrum, there's almost always some aspect where I can go, "Oh, yeah, I can relate to that." Yes, even this chick.
That's because, regardless of looks, diagnoses, race and gender, we're all human, and thus we have more in common than we have differences. I find it unfortunate that other people don't see it that way, but there's not much I can do about that.
Now, I don't watch a lot of TEDs. They're just not all that compelling to me, in general. Someone sends me one, I'll watch it, but it's not a regular thing. But this is the first one I've seen where they cut to the audience during the talk. And I don't know why. The audience is generally unreactive, like maybe they've been coached on keeping an autistic speaker comfortable.
On Conformity
So, we humans have more in common that we have differences, I said above. But sometimes the differences stand out like a giant at a dwarf convention. This speaker highlights her own differences in discussing her struggles to find companionship, and relates them to her autism.
I can sympathize to an extent. I'm not autistic, or at least I haven't been diagnosed, but I am weird. There's nothing I can do about that. If I try to hide it, I'm not being "authentic." If I don't, people shun me. Maybe if I got a doctor to certify that I'm on the spectrum, people would be more understanding of my idiosyncrasies. "He does that because he's autistic" generates more compassion than "he does that because he's weird."
On the other hand, nothing has been more liberating for me than not having to conform to society's ideas of what I should be like.
On Social Signals
Spectrum or not, I don't get social signals.
The speaker here talks about an ideal date: they're in the same room, but they're texting each other.
Much has been written about the downside of internet and remote connection. Writers bemoan the lack of face-to-face interaction, and say things like "you miss stuff if you're just texting." So I think a lot of people would find this strange.
I don't understand that. I have trouble understanding what people are saying, especially if there's other noise in the room. But with a text, or an email, or an IM? I know exactly what they're saying. It's logical to me. So what she's talking about? I get it.
So, like I said - spectrum or not, we're all human. All different. All alike. |
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