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About This Author
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Each Day Already is a Challenge
A Texas Sunrise
 
A friend, William Taylor, took this picture. He visits Surfside Beach with his dogs almost every morning, watching the sun rise while the dogs prance about at the water's edge.
This is only about ten miles from where I lived in Lake Jackson, Texas. Sadly, I only visited this beach about four times in the six years I lived nearby.
Each day is a challenge. A challenge to get by without thinking about the fibromyalgia pains. A challenge to stay awake when chronic fatigure wants to take over. And a challenge to navigate through fibro fog.
I haven't been writing as much as in the past. For years, I wrote at least 500 words a day. Now, I'm lucky if I write 500 words in month. Sigh.
For more information about what my day (or life) is all about with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, chronic pains, IBS, depression and everything else thrown in, check this out:
November 29, 2006 at 11:49am November 29, 2006 at 11:49am
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If you haven't visited this blog or made it one of your favorites yet, you need to do that pronto.
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November 26, 2006 at 10:45pm November 26, 2006 at 10:45pm
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This fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue stinks. Really. Although I would love to sleep all the time, the most painful time for my joints and muscles is getting in and out of bed. So getting into bed hurts. And I know that when I get back out of bed that will hurt as well. Even when I'm thoroughly exhausted, knowing that getting in and out of bed will hurt so badly doesn't make sleeping that attractive.
I'm not sure which is worse, but I think it's getting up in the morning. Sometimes I lay awake in bed praying. But, ultimately, I have to get up at some point, even if it's just to answer nature's call. And I would just like to scream and scream because of the pain.
Considering the pain that I do experience, I think I'm still a rather pleasant person to be around. Sometimes I want to be reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllllly grumpy, but I try not to be.
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November 22, 2006 at 11:04am November 22, 2006 at 11:04am
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I keep forgetting to list some of the strange things that have come from my mouth recently. Some of them, Incurable Romantic   and I have listed in his blog. It's like I've developed a dyslexic mouth.
I have said:
I've very been good.
That's very not nice.
Crinimal Minds (instead of Criminal Minds)
And....Dullbozer (instead of bulldozer). Why would we be talking about bulldozers? I tease Jim when I wake up in the mornings hurting all over that he's been running a bulldozer over me while I sleep. But not long ago, I said, "dullbozer" instead of bulldozer. Weird.
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November 22, 2006 at 10:56am November 22, 2006 at 10:56am
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Have you ever done a Google search of your own name? There are lots of Marilyn Mackenzie listings. I find it fascinating that the women who share my name are writers, pastors, artists, speakers, volunteer coordinators.
Recently, I found a quotation by one of them:
"I want women to be aware of abuse without bruising. Women should be aware of the controller, the manipulator, about being put down, being lied to. You may not even recognize this type of abuse at first but this does effect the way you live your life, the way you react to your children, family and friends."
Marilyn Mackenzie , London, Ontario, November, 2005
I really find this fascinating, since I have been a victim of this type of abuse myself.
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November 18, 2006 at 8:58am November 18, 2006 at 8:58am
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Yikes. I wonder if I can remember everything that has happend since I last wrote something here.
I took Derek to the airport in Dayton on Tuesday, Nov. 7, and continued driving north. He was going to visit his girl friend in Memphis for her 21st birthday. My destination was Rapid City, MI - in northern Michigan. That's where my sister lives, and where my Mom now resides as well - in an assisted living center.
What fun I had with my (baby) sister and her family. Karen is now 41, but she'll always be the baby. 
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On Wednesday, Karen picked up Mom and told her there was a surprise back at her house. I was pleased that my mom knew who I was. We went to lunch, and that was an adventure. Mom claimed she had no appetite, then ate like she hadn't had a meal in days. Even so, she couldn't finish her cheeseburger, so she wrapped up half of it and put it in her purse.
We sent back to Karen's after eating, and Mom was restless. She kept asking what we were going to do next. Finally, after she had asked that about a gazillion times, I reminded her that when she was ready, we'd take her back to her home. She said she was ready.
We took Mom back to the home, and as we drove up she said, "Do I live here?" (She has been there for nine months.)
Once inside, Karen asked Mom to show me her room. With the help of signs on the bedroom doors, she was able to find her room. But she stood in the middle of it saying, with amazement in her voice, "All of my things are here. Look! My clothes are in the closet. I have so many clothes. Look! My handsome Harry's pictures are on the shelf. I lost my handsome Harry, you know." Of course we knew. Dad passed away in August, 2005 and Mom's mental switch seemed to turn off completely when he died. Before that, she was getting forgetful. After he died, she changed dramatically.
Karen asked Mom to show us the puzzle she was working on when Karen arrived to pick her up. In the community room, there were a bunch of men watching Lingo on the TV. One, who cannot speak, gestured to my sister that he and Mom (and no one else) do puzzles together. His eyes twinkled as he explained this to Karen with his hands. (No, he doesn't use sign language, just gestures. Karen was always good at playing charades.)
Mom listened to Karen interrpret the man's hand gestures and commented, "That man must be my friend."
"Yes, Mom, he must be your friend. You do puzzles together."
As we started to say our good-byes, Mom ran and got her purse. "Are we going to eat now?" she asked.
"No, Mom, we already ate. Remember? You have half of your cheeseburger in your purse. You need to take that to the kitchen and ask someone to put it in the refrigerator for you."
"No, I'm going to eat it for dinner."
"They're fixing dinner for you, Mom."
"They are? How nice."
Later in the week, the staff at the home told Karen they had found the cheeseburger in Mom's dresser drawer.
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On Thursday, Karen and I drove to see our other sister, Carol in Midland, MI. She just divorced her husband of 26 years. Seems he had cheated on her for most of those years. His present girl friend has been in his life for the last 7 years.
Carol is just devastated. We were there to offer some comfort, but also to go through some of Mom and Dad's things.
We found pictures that none of us had ever seen before. We shared Dad's Seabee's pins and Sheet Metal Worker pins. We discovered that Dad had 3 Bibles, so we each took one of those. We do have a brother, but he chooses to be homeless and at this point we really don't know where (in Pittsburgh) he's staying. We did put aside a few things to send to his children.
I came away with a very special hat of my father's. It's a Steeler's knit cap. He wore it every time he sat watching a Steeler's game. Attached to it are old Steeler buttons, a miniature "terrible towel", and a ticket stub from one of the Super Bowls he attended in the 70's. What a treasure. I could probably sell that hat on e-Bay and make some money. But the true value is in the memories.
Karen and I spent the night at Carols, then headed back to Rapid City on Friday morning.
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On Friday afternoon, our cousin Ed came to visit with us and Mom. He had not seem Mom since he lived with my parents for a few months in about 2002.
Karen brought Mom to her house for another surprise. She remembered Ed too. But her comments were much the same as they had been on Wednesday. Cousin Ed did discover that Mom's memory of music and lyrics is better than life moments.
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On Saturday, Karen and her two daughters and I went on a "shop til you drop" trip. In fact, at the last two stops, I stayed in the car. We must have shopped for 6 or 7 hours. Well...they shopped. I just tagged along.
It snowed on Friday and Saturday nights, but it wasn't cold enough to stay on the streets, thankfully.
On Sunday, Karen continued her demolition project. She had been tearing down walls before I arrived, and she continued that as soon as everyone was awake on Sunday.
I left northern Michigan in the early afternoon on Sunday. I was truly thankful that after traveling about 20 miles down the highway, the sun shone brightly. After another 10 miles or so, there was not even any evidence of snow on the grass beside the road.
I was able to take my time heading on back to Ohio. Derek's flight didn't arrive until almost 11 p.m. We arrived back home probably close to 2 a.m. on Monday.
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I had not seen my mother since my dad died about 15 months ago. I'm glad I made the trip, since I don't know when I'll get back to see Mom again. She may not remember that I was there, but I know. |
November 5, 2006 at 9:16pm November 5, 2006 at 9:16pm
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It has been a few days since I was here. My back has been really giving me trouble. Sitting and standing produce so much pain that I want to scream. I don't. But I do grumble enough that hubby knows I'm in pain. I have also been taking pain meds and muscle relaxers more often than usual. And I saw the chiropractyor on Friday and have another appointment scheduled for Monday. And sleeping a bit more than usual because of the meds.
Even so, I'm planning on making a trip up to Michigan to see my sisters and my mom. My son is leaving on Tuesday morning to visit his honey (for her 21st birthday) and will be gone until Sunday. Since he won't need me to drive him to work, it's a perfect time to make the trip to Michigan. (And...the weather looks like it will be nice enough that there shouldn't be any snow.) I'll drive my son to the airport in Dayton, OH on Tuesday morning and then just keep driving north.
So...I'll probably not be logging on here often in those days.
I missed church this morning. Thankfully, hubby really tries to make his handwriting legible on his sermon notes. (Not always totally legible, but he tries.)
Wanted to pass along this link to an essay about Social Security Disability - and the problems that go along with it. Even if you're not someone who needs these benefits right now, this essay should be of interest. The writer is the founder of an online disability group to which I belong. (I think Lifewriter alerted me to this group.)
http://thisibelieve.org/dsp_ShowEssay.php?lastname=Fullerton&uid=12510&start=0
That's all for now....and possibly for a week if I don't log on while in Michigan.
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November 1, 2006 at 10:39am November 1, 2006 at 10:39am
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I was remembering a visit my aunt had to her family doctor when she was going through menopause. She was having bladder problems. Every time she coughed or sneezed, she would wet herself. The doc must have thought he was a real comedian. He told her to stop coughing and sneezing.
I guess I remembered that because my back is sooooooooo painful, but it's even more so if I move. So, I guess if I just stopped moving, I'd have just the normal ouchy back pains and not the pain that also shoots down my leg and up my spine as well. I'm probably walking strangely since I hurt so much, so now my (bad) knee is complaining too. When I move, my knee really feels like bone moving against bone.
And yes, it hurts when I cough or sneeze too. 
Lying down in bed eases the "normal" pains a bit, but moving while lying down is more painful for some reason.
The worst pains are when I move the muscles in my back to get up and down from a chair or anywhere else where I might need to be sitting.
Enough about that stupid pain!
I have shared before that my computer is in the kitchen, beside a big bay window. Outside the window is a tree. I love watching the birds and squirrels romp and play in and around that tree as I type and think.
Last year at this time, I watched as the leaves on that tree changed from green to bright oranges and yellows. I watched as the winds blew and those leaves came tumbling down. And I watched as one lonely leaf stayed green and connected.
All winter long, as the harsh winds blew, temperatures dropped and snow landed on the tree branches, that one lone green leaf survived.
That one lone leaf inspired me last year. It was a reminder to me of the importance of staying connected to the One who cares the most about me. And that by being connected, I could survive all the winds and cold the world wants to dump on me.
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And what a strange world it has become out there on the other side of my window. The US census reports that over 85% of Americans still say they believe in God. If that is true, how have we allowed God to be taken from our schools?
Benjamin Franklin once said, "I have lived, Sir, a long time; and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this Truth, that God governs in the Affairs of Men. And if a Sparrow cannot fall to the Ground without his Notice, is it probable that an Empire can rise without his Aid?"
I believe it was also Benjamin Franklin who said that the only true history is in the Bible. (Although I cannot find the quote that I read again just yesterday.) Our children are being taught a history of our country that is false or is only half true. Most of the founding fathers were godly men and they knew that without God, our country could not survive and thrive.
Our children are told (and so many adults believe) that Thomas Jefferson was adamant about the separation of church and state. Many, wrongly, think those words are in our founding documents. They are not. They were penned by Jefferson in a letter where he was assuring the recipient that our government would not dictate or form a religion that all must follow - as had been the case in Europe for years.
Jefferson did say, "And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are the gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with his wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just: that his justice cannot sleep for ever."
In his 28 Principles of Freedom, Ben Franklin said:
 The only reliable basis for sound government and just human relations is Natural Law. (God's Law)
A free people cannot survive under a republican constitution unless they remain virtuous and morally strong.
Without religion the government of a free people cannot be maintained.
All things were created by God, therefore upon him all mankind are equally dependent, and to him they are equally responsible .
To protect human rights, God has revealed a code of divine law.
The core unit which determines the strength of any society is the family; therefore the government should foster and protect its integrity.
The United States has a manifest destiny to eventually become a glorious example of God's law under a restored Constitution that will inspire the entire human race.
John Adams wrote: "I always consider the settlement of America with reverence and wonder, as the opening of a grand scene and design in Providence for the illumination of the ignorant, and the emancipation of the slavish part of mankind all over the earth."
Our founding fathers thought they had a divine mission.
By doing nothing, each US citizen is partially to blame for today's outcome. We think that one person cannot make a difference, but that is just not true.
Voting takes place in just a few short days. Another of Ben Franklin's 28 Principles was this: "The most promising method of securing a virtuous people is to elect virtuous leaders." |
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