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About This Author
I am a 40 year old married mother of two teenage boys. I live for writing, especially romance. Love the happily ever after scenerio. The best thing about writing for me is the ability to lose yourself in your work, and feel as if you've accomplished something great. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.
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Poisoned Purple Pen
 
She sat down at her old wooden desk, pen at the ready. Her thoughts raced. What shall I write today? Tilting her head to the side, a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth before enveloping her delicate face. The purple ink began to fill the once blank sheet, each stroke a labor of pure joy as the words flowed from her mind, her heart, her very soul.
My Dreams...
to write of romance and endless love
to love without boundaries
to learn from past mistakes
to laugh with all my heart
to be the woman I am meant to be
TODAY...
I will reach for the stars
Will not give up
Will give all that I have
Dare to dream the impossible dream
For anything in this life is possible
 <---I am blown away by this
September 16, 2016 at 5:47pm September 16, 2016 at 5:47pm
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Prompt: Tell us about some of the qualities that make people 'small dose friends' (friends you can't spend too long with without getting annoyed by them)
It's Friday Bitches!!
Ah, yes, those people who think their shit don't stink and have the ability to suck the life right outta you before you can even sit down. Let's just put it all out there. Shall we?
The Show Off
These are the ones that wear a new shirt/shoes/coat/jewelry and expect you to fawn all over them about it. Or carefully place their expensive purse in the center of the table and are constantly digging into it to make sure the rest of us notice and comment on it. Now, I was a serious tomboy growing up. I admit that. But I grew up and I love being able to match my purses to my clothes. In fact, I'm a Guess Purse Whore, and I am damn proud of it. But, I never pay full price. I refuse to. And I sit back and wait for the pretty things to go on sale before I spend a dime. And I do not flaunt them. But these people, oh no. To them, a sale means lying about what they really paid, and bragging about the $1000 they just dropped! For a damn handbag! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! Do you know what I could do with a hot grand? The list is long I kid you not.
The Copycat
These pain in the asses are the ones who envy everything you wear/do/have and don't even hide their jealousy. Nope, they flat out ask where you bought something so they can go buy one for themselves. Some of Rs friends make me sick because they constantly do this. I keep telling him to start lying. They are on a need to know basis, and these assholes Don't Need To Know!
The Whine Bag
We all know these people. They love to complain about EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. It's like a game, or a sickness or something. I haven't figured out just which it is yet. My all time fave is this one lady who talks about all her stomach problems, how she's lactose intolerant,
and then turns around and devours every dairy product in sight, only to whine about how much pain she's in later.  Give it up. I ain't buying the shit you're sellin'.
The Pretender
They show up and act shocked that something has happened to you, and go out of their way to show you how much they care. Faker! Because believe me, the second you are out of their sight, they've forgotten all about you.
The Liar
Oh these wonderful hemorrhoids that KNOW everything, pretend they don't, and shoot their mouths off. They always have a plan. Anything you say and do they are right there, taking it all in so they can twist fact into fiction and put themselves at an advantage over you. They have no problem lying just to prove a point. Or using whom ever they choose to get you on their side so they can manipulate the shit outta you. Just sit back and watch, usually someone else will point out the truth in their lies, and you can bet your sweet ass they will pull a valid excuse from their vault of previous cons to get out of the fire.
I could go on. The point is, most of these people are fake friends, the ones that zap your energy and mess with your happy, and to top it off, they ENJOY it. Get off on it. I have practically bit my tongue in half on multiple occasions keeping my opinions to myself just to keep the peace.
"JAFBG"  by Turkey DrumStik 
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September 10, 2016 at 7:28pm September 10, 2016 at 7:28pm
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Going to do some double duty today since I'm falling way behind on everything.
First prompt: What are your pet peeves? What little things irk you and piss you off?
Biggest is those fucking idiot drivers. You know the ones who go on the inside of a Michigan turn and instead of staying on the inside of the four lane road, swing as far right as possible and screw up the natural order. Hey asshole, you're in the left lane, stay in the left two lanes. Don't make my ass stop because you grabbed your drivers license from the inside of a Cracker Jack Box!
Or how about that beautiful little gizmo on your car on the steering column. I mean they put it there cause it looks pretty right? You don't need to actually use it to alert me that you intend to turn, right? My biggest issue is I like my car. For if I didn't, I would probably smash right into you for being an asshole driver and teach you a lesson.
Oh and hey dude riding my ass. Yeah you. Go on, keep thinking I'm going to speed up, or move to allow you to pass. The best was just last week. I was coming home from work, in a decently good mood until this jag off starts riding my bumper. My street was busy, the speed limit is 30 mph and for the record, I'm an at least 5 mph over kinda girl.  So he's riding my ass for about a mile now. I'm getting closer to home, can't wait to just pull into the driveway. There's a stop sign two houses from me. My house is on the right. I stop at the stop sign, like you're supposed to. And since I don't have far to go I'm not flying to get into my drive. I hit the turn signal, and that shit head blows the stop sign and tries to go around me on the left. Oh hell no! I'm not having that. I do this wide swing out to the left cutting him off and turn right into my driveway!  That'll teach you!
Prompt 2: Tell us about a time you 'stuck it to the man' or got one over on someone
I used to work at City Hall, building and safety department so all I know what we are allowed to do with and without a permit. But, screw them assholes who play favorites and let others off while us working class poor people have to pay permit fees and crap. You guessed it! We poured cement and didn't get a permit. A city employee ratted me out. But the inspector just left a note saying no permit for front steps. Oh hell we poured a walkway, another walkway and patio too. So I apply for permit, only with the one walkway and one step. They come out to inspect it. For the rest, I took advantage of the fall leaves and scattered them all over the walkway leading to the patio! The inspector knew me so we got to talking and he never saw the rest of the cement! Ah, my bad. What can I say? That was ten years ago. I imagine I'll get busted at some point, but not today! 
"JAFBG" by Turkey DrumStik
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September 6, 2016 at 7:29pm September 6, 2016 at 7:29pm September 5, 2016 at 8:28am September 5, 2016 at 8:28am
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Prompt: Choose one of the wastes of space in your life and tell us why they piss you off so much
"JAFBG" by Turkey DrumStik
Ah, at it again. Now you know I couldn't resist bitching about my crappy neighbors. This time I'm just going to hone in on the littlest monster next door, cause that's what he is. Me no lie!
It's a holiday weekend. Yea!! One extra day to stay at home and get things done here. By dinner time the crew was getting hungry. So I went outside to fire up the grill, and of course those assholes were outside, swimming, screaming, and just being the neighborhood pita's that they are. I'm playing Candy Crush on my phone, waiting for the grill to heat up so I can cook BBQ Chicken Breasts YUM! When I hear...
"Your fat. And your ugly. Why are you so fat?" the little monster says to his cousin.
I'm thinking, what are these people teaching their kids? I could've sworn I heard the parents out there, but not a reprimand, nothing.
So he continues to trash talk his cousin, and the very second the cousin decides he's not playing with him, he starts crying. I mean like literally crying. Did he apologize? Nope, just whined until his cousin got back in the pool.
The chickens on the grill now.
"Why are you so fat? Why do your nipples look like that? Your nipples are ugly." 
His cousin must be a saint because I didn't hear a word. I come into the house and ask R where he wants to eat. He says outside. I cringe, because that means our little family dinner will include all the shit going on next door. I ask, are you sure? The little shit is out there talking trash. R wants to eat outside still. Alrighty then.
I set the table, and the boys return from Micky Ds with the fries. [so nice it's two blocks down on the left]. Danny is sitting across from me when all hell breaks loose next door.
Apparently the parents have realized we are outside and are trying to get their little monster to be quiet. Good luck there. It's a little late to tame that beast in my opinion.
Two minutes later, if that, he must have really pissed off his cousin, because he starts screaming and crying about the other kid not playing fair. Now the adults are involved, constantly saying...shhhh, be quiet, shhhh. Yeah, that works. NOT!
Less than a minute later he's all happy, yelling, telling his cousin what to do in the pool. R, Zak, Danny and I are all talking about them, how that kid is a brat, and every time he whines we laugh. I mean you'd think they were in our yard because they are so damn loud.
Dinner is finished and I'm standing now having a smoke. And that kid starts bawling like he's dying. Apparently his cousin dunked him under water. Oh no! He begins to scream and cry and tell his dad that he was drowning. I wish. Well that had the three of us laughing. And I mean seriously laughing. Which must have annoyed the parents to hear us laughing at their bratty child, because they went inside the house to escape us! I couldn't stop laughing, tell R, see, I told you. Drama. That kid is the biggest brat. He screams, then cries, then happy again, then screams, cries and then happy, and so on, and so on.
One by one they all headed inside. I finish cleaning up and look at R on the couch. That's it? You're staying in side? He gives me this look like I just asked him the most ridiculous question ever! I said, I guess were not going to be burning the papers tonight in the fire pit. He says no.
Ok, that means I can hang on my pc and WdC! Which I did.
All I know at this point, is that Winter may be turning into my favorite season, since it's the only time it's quiet outside. My neighbors suck, but they were good for a laugh yesterday. If I didn't laugh, I'd probably be hopping the fence to confront them!
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September 4, 2016 at 4:12pm September 4, 2016 at 4:12pm
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"JAFBG" by Turkey DrumStik
Prompt: Tell us about a time you epically failed to keep your temper
Back in May of this year R was in Lebanon visiting his family and I was running the garage. Now mind you, I only work three days a week, 4 hours a day and usually cannot wait to come home. With him being gone I was working 6 days, and 7 hours a day. So you know right there I wasn't the happiest person on the planet. 
We were having a decent day, weather was beautiful, and really warm, which means people want their AC fixed on their car, like NOW. So this dude comes in and says we replaced his AC compressor in his cab/car last summer and he wants it fixed. Not only that, but he's taken it to another mechanic who has specifically told him it's the compressor at fault, that there was another part we had to replace as well and recharge the AC system, and all for FREE. Well I pulled up his record on the computer, sure enough we replaced the compressor last year. Now R isn't there, he usually deals with the AC issues. My other two mechanics can charge the system easy enough, but we aren't taking some other mechanics word that the compressor is at fault.
This guy will not leave. I told him R is gone for another few weeks. He doesn't care. It's my problem and I need to fix it. Yeah right, douche bag, I'll jump right on that. To top it off, said pain in my ass tells me that he always has another mechanic look at his car, diagnose it, and R just does what the other mechanic says. I've been married for 25 years. Been working with him for at least 13 years. But apparently I'm some dumb bimbo.
I go into the garage, whispering with our other mechanics, and the pita leaves the office to see what I'm doing in the garage. Alrighty then! I go into the office, grab my phone and head outside behind the building sending Whatsapp messages to R about this pain in my ass. R of course says it's a lie, he would never take someone else's word and change something without checking it himself.  one for me! R also tells me to tell the guy he'll have to wait until R returns to the States and back to work.   two for me!
When I tell the pita this, he loses his damn mind. Now remember, I'm in surgical menopause, fighting hot flashes, instant anger, insomnia, and a lovely list of other annoyances, so my trigger is very short. Wanna know what word he used that flipped the switch? I know you do!
"I'm going to take it to the other mechanic, have him fix it, and then I'm going SUE you!"
Well that was it. I don't know who he thought he was talking to. I for one am not an idiot when it comes to cars, in fact, I probably know a lot more than 50% of the population. I can even diagnose something from listening to someone telling me about their problem. I'm pretty accurate thank you very much.
A shouting match ensued. He screamed at me, I screamed back, and on and on it went. I went to the garage, he followed, back to the office, he followed. I was so irritated by the time he followed me for thirty minutes straight I finally just told him to go ahead and sue me. I didn't care any longer. We were done! He had two choices. Wait for R for three more weeks, or take it elsewhere. He finally got into his car and left, but not until after sitting in the lot for ten minutes. Asshole.
And then the real fun began. Now I had to tell R that I probably lost him a customer, that said customer threatened to sue us, and I had no idea if the guy was coming back.
To my utter joy and amazement, R just shrugged it off and said Fuck Him! Mind you I've been in trouble with R before for fighting with customers. Usually the same asshole who shows up when R is away. It's like they know!
But when he said Fuck him! My first thought took me back to one of my all time favorite movies, My Chauffeur. Oh man if you haven't seen that movie, it's hysterical. I still die in a fit of laughter when I watch it.
Catfight: Who the fuck are you?
Casey: I'm the chauffeur
Catfight: Who's chauffeur
Casey: Your chauffeur
Catfight: You work for me?
Casey: Yes
Catfight: Then take off your clothes and get into bed
Casey: Mr. Fight, you have a lot people waiting for you at that concert right now
Catfight: Fuck 'em
Bimbo: That's my job
 If you haven't seen this 80s movie and wanna laugh your ass off, I highly recommend it!
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September 3, 2016 at 9:33am September 3, 2016 at 9:33am
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Written For: "JAFBG" by Turkey DrumStik
Prompt: What's not worth the price you paid for it?
Pretty much anything R buys to help me out can be put into this category.
The one thing he bought that I despise is the kitchen faucet. Yes it looked cool in the box. Yes it sat in said box for two years before he got around to installing it. Oh it is pretty. That pretty nickel color that's all the rage now. And the sprayer is built right in. Just pull on it and you get a good three foot range! Perfect! Right?
Nope. Now I should be writing this as a public service announcement, because in all honesty, that's what it is.
Never buy a new, updated, pretty kitchen sink faucet unless you are going to buy a new sink!
Why? Because when you mix the old with the new, you quickly find out that the new faucet will hit the lip of the drain every time you turn the fucker on and it will spray back at you, and your shirt will be soaked! It's not a big deal in summer. But stepping away from that piece of shit in winter is a nightmare. I wind up in the bathroom with the hair dryer trying to find some warmth and dry out.
The damn box should've come with a warning. Caution: May cause back splash since we've changed the measurements of a standard size!
That would be helpful wouldn't it? Bastards! It's no wonder I hate washing dishes, even to put them into the dishwasher. Ugh that fucking dishwasher. I hate it too! We got that piece of crap a year after moving into the house, 2002. Money was tight, the ancient one died. R said the new cheap ass $200 one was a temporary fix. My ass! It's still here. And works like shit. I'd be better off washing everything by hand because half of the things that come out of a clean dishwasher have to be washed again. Does it not defeat the purpose it was intended for?????
If I didn't have grown children in the house I think I might revert to washing dishes naked to save my clothes. Toy with R, and then remind him I wouldn't have to do that if we had a decent faucet that didn't turn into a super soaker when turned on!
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September 1, 2016 at 4:11pm September 1, 2016 at 4:11pm
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"JAFBG" by Turkey DrumStik
Prompt: Tell us about someone who needs some serious bitch slapping
Oh there are so many qualified people I could rant about for this prompt, but since my damn neighbors had to come outside and scream like the world is ending yet again, they get they honor. Fuckers!
Where to begin? The list is a mile long in the few short years they bought the house next door, tore it down, and built the ridiculous monstrosity that now adorns the corner. I used to have a great view, which is now nothing more than a friggin brick wall. If I wanted to see that I'd pick one of my own to stare at. So they built the monster house on a half acre, added a swimming pool, a basketball court, and two gazebos, because well hell, one is never enough.
When they realized that they didn't have a backyard left, they got really creative. They offered to tear down this enormous tree on my property that hangs over into theirs, and clear out everything between us, moving their fence 6 feet my way. Basically adding 6 feet of property to their yard and reducing mine. At first I said yes, because that tree is a pain in my ass, and the disaster between us grows out of control from year to year. I mean who wouldn't want a free tear down clean out and then get to see pretty evergreens as a focal point? So I came inside and was standing in the kitchen looking out, when I realized how far in they were going to be coming onto my property and had to stop that shit pronto!
Last summer someone was stealing our electric. I can just imagine they were the culprits. We are usually gone all summer so we were easy pickings. When we got home our usual bill for being away would run around $50 between gas and electric. Last summer. $200. Bastards!
So now we are home this summer, gearing up for Zs wedding at the end of the year. I bet the neighbors from hell were disappointed by that. Oh well. Anyway, they have three boys. Very loud boys. The youngest does nothing but scream and cry all day long. Spoiled little brats. And they constantly have people over for pool parties. Or just to annoy me. I'm not sure which at this point.
On 4th of July we had people over and were sitting outside. BIG MISTAKE. Those little shitheads next door bought fireworks. Thank you State of Michigan for making them legal! That was so damn sweet of you! Usually we see a lot of rain. At least a good shower once a week. Not this year. Nope, everything was dying. If you didn't run your sprinkler system at least twice a day, then you were better off praying to God that your now golden lawns didn't burst into flames. Back to the nightmare next door. They didn't buy just any fireworks, not the little ones that stayed low to the ground and make a small explosion. Nope. Not them. They bought the big ones, that sounded like a bomb was going off. And where were they shooting them? Can you guess? I bet you can. At my tree. Every time that stuff started falling and got near the tree I would cringe. By midnight I'd had enough and went inside to call the police. My guests were annoyed. I was beyond annoyed and out right pissed at this point. So they say they are on their way having had several calls. Did they show? Not to my knowledge. I called again an hour later. It still took them another 30 minutes to show up and shut that shit down.
We have mutual friends [and I use the term loosely] in common. We were out to dinner one night and a woman I was with told me how the lady next door is miserable. This of course made me a tiny bit happy. Why is she miserable? Because, and I quote, "I have no control over my children. They don't listen to me. I never get a break." Waaahhh waaaahhh fuckin waaaahhh.
I told mutual friend. "That's bullshit! She has no control over her little animals because she chooses not to." Being a parent is hard work. I know that first hand. It is our job as parents to raise our kids to have some respect, treat others well, etc. If anyone needs a bitch slap, I say line up the entire family and let me at 'em. Not that it would do any good. They obviously prefer to be rude and terrorize the entire neighborhood whenever the hell they please. And I question their morals as well.
You know that tree I hate. Well it sheds all kinds of crap constantly. And since they put their pool right next to it I'm sure it gets covered in stuff. One day I actually caught them cleaning the pool and dumping the debris back into my yard. What a bunch of dumb asses. Do they seriously not know that all that crap is going to sink down into the ground and grow more of that irritating tree? Apparently this is rocket science for them. I keep thinking if one starts growing I'll chop it down before it can really take root. And then my inner bitch comes out to play and has me thinking oh let it grow. Give them another tree to really clog up their pool. 
R had me rolling about them once as well. It seems they are complaining that their yard isn't big enough. Really? Might have been a good idea to think of that before building your eyesore of a house to show off your wealth in a neighborhood filled with ranch style homes.
Now R is Arab. My neighbors are Arab, but certainly not cut from the same cloth. We hear through the grapevine that they are worried about us. Worried we will do an addition to our ranch home and build up. Oh the horror! You see the lady is covered. And if we build up then we can look into their yard, and she will never be able to take off her hijab. So R makes sure he mentions that Z is getting married and we will need to add on. The only way for us to go is up, since we like having a big yard. I admit I get off on knowing they may be squirming over that misinformation. We would never build up, but what they don't know, won't hurt them. Here's to hoping the fear will send them packing! I would delight in coming home to see a For Sale sign in their yard!
I love the Birthday Bash! It's a wonderful time to be a member of WdC. And the little prezzies make me smile. See what I got today
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So sorry for your family's loss, T. I've been through that sadness with the loss of a couple expected grandchildren. It's a terrible loss. 
