callmetj's InkSpot
Alotta Monkey Business
This book is not only a place to create, keep, and store contest entries, it's also a log of items that may one day become something more.
Man, you know nothing about monkey business! Never poke your nose in them.
#1065602
| Andre says, "March comes in with the lyin' and runs out on the lam." I think most of us know the saying, "In like a lion, out like a lamb" but for Andre, it's a bit different. I suspect he was caught swiping toilet paper from the gas-station down the street on March first, so the month started with Andre's denials and lies that he was just taking the rolls out to get some sun and fresh air. Then, of course, Andre bolted with his pilfered paper. Hence the runs out on the lam (he ran right over the gas station attendant); I also believe that Andre's month may also be on the lamb. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
.#1065272
| Write a blog entries about what you're leaping for or over or about or into or whatever. I thought about bliting something I'm leaping over, like the piles Andre sometimes leaves on the floor of the bathroom if all the stalls are filled. But, that's neither here nor there; well it's there, but we deal with it. I do strongly suggest that nobody wears flip-flops in the bathroom. So, then what am I leaping for? I have taken a big leap into health improvement; my own. The rest of you do what you think best. I started Keto again, after a year off because it did wonders the last time. I felt better, I had more energy, I was sleeping better, and I lost weight. Now, I've loped back into Keto, and my wife and I have started hiking a few times a week, as the weather permits. This February has been more like spring most days, so we drive over to Maplewood State Park and hike some of the trails. At first, being pretty out of shape, it was a half mile hike out and then back. Now we are doing about two miles (except for the day we missed a trail and ended up doing almost six). I have also started wearying my hiking pack with some essentials in it and extra water, so currently I'm doing a couple of miles of moderate hiking with a ten pound pack. In time, the distance and the weight will increase. This isn't something new, some years back we used to hike in and camp, sometimes going five or more miles with a thirty pound pack with no problems. The longest was a twelve mile hike with about twenty pounds on my back, but that was pushing it. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1064757
| It's still February so short month shot blogs, or something like that, seems my memories short as well. I was just thinking about all the recipe books available as well as those shared online and had an idea. Actually the idea came from reading "Banana Bread" in the Newsfeed, which linked to a nice poem I enjoyed. But I started thinking, maybe Andre could write a recipe book, "Cook Like A Chimp" or something similar. I have a few recipes I could share with Andre, one from my days as a bachelor and people didn't think I could cook. At one pot luck, I made a seafood salad, my version, and it was a big hit; everyone asked where I purchased it. When I insisted I made it, they just kind of nodded, "Yeah, sure you did". So, the next pot luck I decided to try a bit of humor and baked a carrot cake. Yes, I bought a bunch of carrots from the farmer's market because they still had the tops on them. I washed them well and lined the bottom of the cake pan with fresh carrots, poured some yellow cake mix batter over them, and baked as directed. Behold, a carrot cake. Hey, it was funny. They were just lucky I didn't buy hot peppers and make a spice cake! But, I digress; Andre's recipe book, a collection of crazy recipes. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1064462
| I don't know what children are told nowadays, but when I was younger (a lot) I was often told I could be anything I wanted when I grew up. By the time I was in the sixth grade I had surpassed my previous desires to be an astronaut and had re-decided on being an author. One day in class we were asked, in front of the entire class what we wanted to be when we grew up. When Ole Mellonhead (a popular nickname for her) asked me, I proudly stated that I wanted to be an author. She laughed and ridiculed me, finally finishing with, "You'd be lucky if you got hired to clean an author's bathroom. Sit down!" Needless to say, I didn't think about writing again until years later when I was in college and had to take composition class. What has this got to do with Presidents Day you ask? You did ask didn't you? You didn't ask? No matter, I'll tell you anyway. That day, after all had stated their dreams, some accepted, many laughed at and ridiculed (Mellonhead hated most kids), Ole Mellonhead asked why no one had wanted to be the President. I raised my hand and when no one else volunteered, was finally called on. I could see the anticipation in Mellonhead's eyes as she waited for me to say something about being the president so she could again rip my heart out and crush it before my eyes. But, I was ready for her. I stood looked at my classmates and stated, "I had thought about being the president once, but my mom forbids lying, so I don't qualify!" Before she could comment, and as the laughter in the class quieted down, I asked her, "Gertrude (she despised any student calling her by her first name) did you ever dream of becoming the next führer?" I had three days in-house detention, but it was well worth it. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1064403
| American presidents have come in all sizes from Abe Lincoln at six foot, four inches to Jim Madison at five foot, four inches. Likewise, their wights also span a great distance with Bill Taft tipping the scales at a whopping three hundred and forty pounds and of course Jim Madison (again) barely moving the scale at a measly one hundred pounds. Big Bill Taft stood five foot, five inches, only one inch taller than Lil' Jim Madison! If they could have stood side by side, what a sight that would have been! President Taft was nicknamed: "Big Bill" and "Big Chief", which are both very fitting. I wonder, if he ever told anyone in congress who disagreed to, "Get in my belly!" He served four years and was likely not elected for second term mainly because they couldn't afford to feed him for another four years and for fear that if he did get reelected, they may not be able to get him back out without installing a garage door. President Madison was nicknamed "Father of the Constitution", which is a bit ironic since he was the size of a mid-teen child. I wonder if anyone ever asked, "What's that kid doing in here?" Only to discover he was the Commander in Chief! Madison served two terms but it's possible he may have hid under some furniture so they couldn't remove him. To wrap this up, I would like to add that it's good that Taft and Madison were not in the capital at the same time or it's likely they would have been nicknamed, "Fat Bastard and Mini Me"... "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1064311
What's going on over at "Invalid Item"  ?There's still a half a month (approximately) left for "Valentine's Day Shorts" so stop in a write a little.Also, tonight only Andre is hosting a live band, so stop in and enjoy: Thank you and goodnight. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1064148
| Written for: "Valentine's Day Shorts" I saw this on the bathroom wall at the banana bar: Roses is red Naners is yellow Andre is sweet and A good lookin fellow I found it odd to see this on the bathroom wall. If it had been inside the bathroom, perhaps not as odd, but it was on the outside of the wall, and therefor outside the bar as well. It was deeply carved into the siding and looked to be done with great care. I wondered who would leave such a message. But, as I pondered this I also noticed a trail of peanuts on the ground. I followed them around the corner and realized they had taken me to the old shed beside the bar. The peanut trail went up to the door, and I assume beyond into the shed. I stopped before I reached the door, read the sign hanging from a nail, and then returned to the bar. What was the sign? "Happy Valentine's Day Andre" I reckon someone is planning a nice surprise for our favorite hairy guy tomorrow. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1063931
| Word count: 286 One day, as I sat along the banks of a river eating an ice cream cone and contemplating a story in the Newsfeed by Adherennium Plotting something   , I saw a line of six TRIDs (Tiny, Rare, Industrious, Ducks) advancing towards the bridge. As I continued to contemplate and watch, the six TRIDs began crossing the bridge only to have a mean, ugly, and foul smelling troll come out from under the bridge. He, she, it, (I’m not sure, it’s hard to tell with trolls) climbed the bank and ran onto the bridge and proceeded to kick the TRIDs off the bridge and into the water. After the last TRID was booted off the bridge, the troll returned to it’s dwelling under the bridge.The TRIDs swam back to their side of the river, climbed the bank, and again approached the bridge and begin crossing. The troll instantly climbed the bank, ran onto the bridge and started kicking the poor TRIDs off again. This sequence of events continued a few more times, until the troll had kicked the crap out of the TRIDs (the bridge was literally covered in TRID s***! Having enough of this, tired, and frustrated, the s***less TRIDs vanished back the way they had come. Curious, I walked over te the bridge and stepped onto it, expecting the nasty troll to run out and kick me. I was half right, the troll did run up the bank and onto the bridge, but stopped when it saw me. “You’re not a TRID, go ahead and cross.” Confused, I asked, “But why then do you kick the TRIDs?” The troll shook it’s hideous head and replied, “I thought everyone knew, kicks are for TRIDs!” "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1063722
| Written for February - SHORT MONTH, SHORT BLOGS Word Count: A short 209 Since I can't go to the bar until Friday (see "Andre's Pet Peeve" ), I decided to go for a short walk this afternoon. It's nice out (not nice enough for shorts) for February, but the nice weather is going to be short. Yes, by tonight we will have rain, by tomorrow night it will become snow, and by Friday, it will be colder. Of course, that's all hearsay from forecasters who often come up short and are short-sighted.Despite having a short attention span, I began to think about being barred from the bar; "I got the short end of the stick," I thought. Also, as a result of my short attention span, I started thinking about the short end of a stick so I bent down and picked up a short stick. It was about three feet in length, so yeah, it was relatively short but as for one end being shorter than the other, they seemed to be the same. One was thicker, but neither was shorter! I went home, making it a short walk, to record my epiphany: There is no short end to a stick, but you can get the thin end! Sorry for all the shorts, but Andre wants a lot of short entries. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
#1063658
Written for February - SHORT MONTH, SHORT BLOGS Word Count 102 It seems I'm banned from the bar again! I don't understand why Andre has such a short temper lately. What am I talking about? Well, I stopped by the Banana Bar to have a Brass Monkey, short and while I waited for it, I shared a couple of jokes with Andre. "How do you stop an ape from charging? Take away its credit card. Where does a 600-pound gorilla sit? Anywhere it wants." The next thing I know, Andre's got hold of my collar and is dragging me towards the door. Still gripping my collar, he opens the door with one foot, steps into the doorway, and pitches me out. I was sitting there trying to figure out what had petted his peeve when the door opened and Andre came lumbering over with a glass in his hand. I was sure he was going to apologize, but instead, he poured the drink out, on my head! As he was walking back he said over his shoulder, "I'll put the drink on your tab; don't come back till Friday to pay it." "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
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About The Author
My writing doesn't follow any set genre, it's interdependent of my mood and all that's taking place in life. I'm still finding myself, what I write constitutes the markers along the path of that journey. With time, many things will manifest in my work and perhaps I will pursue one or two genres. For now, it's not, "What type of writing is my passion?"
"Writing is my passion."
