Simply a Short Story:

This is not a voice over narration, done by an actor, for the introduction of another all-too-familiar romance comedy movie about an ordinary man and his soon to be extraordinary life. This is a written narration, done by an author, for the introduction of another all-too-familiar romance comedy short story about an ordinary man and his soon-to-be extraordinary life.

Due to the fact that this is indeed a short story, the author has cut out the romantic aspect of the story, which is unfortunate for you, the reader. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the author is a mystery writer and, therefore, has no clue as to how to write a comedy in the first place. This now leaves this as a short story that is neither romantic nor comedic but is, nonetheless, in all aspect of the words, simply a short story about Adam Adler, an ordinary man, and his soon-to-be extraordinary life.


Adam Adler was like any other ordinary man. Like many other ordinary men, he woke to the sounds of his alarm clock with eyes still shut and pushed the snooze button before quickly falling back to sleep. And, like most men, he would reawaken at almost exactly three hundred seconds later from an annoying buzzing sound that would radiate from that small rectangular object and the single speaker found on its plastic side. Just like most men, if the sound of an overly-active bee, with split second refractory periods, did not annoy him from his slumber, then the repeatedly flashing, lighted, red-blocked numbers would eventually do the trick. But, unlike the average man, on this particular day, Adam Adler had awoken with more than just an inkling feeling of annoyance. He awoke with a clear anticipation, not one of misfortune, but one of a most ridiculously tiring and utterly annoying form of…well, annoyance.

On this particular morning, Adam Adler scooted towards the edge of his bed, slipped his feet into a pair of warm, fuzzy, navy blue slippers that sat in the exact same spot every morning and made his way to his well-lit and overly-large bathroom. Skipping the commode, he gave a quick turn to both shower knobs and in an instant, filled the entire room with billows of steam. He brushed his teeth, rinsed, gave one last glance in the mirror and left fully dressed within minutes. Yes, it was another ordinary day followed by another ordinary morning breakfast of a cup of joe and a bran muffin. With keys in hand, he locked up nothing, looked at his watch and skipped down the steps that led away from his overly large “cookie cutter” house.

“Good morning, Mrs. Johnson!” he called out before giving a perfectly straight white toothy smile to the elderly lady who tended her rose garden. She smiled back, gushed about how handsome he was, and he pretended to be flattered.

Waving her good day, he turned up his nose, sniffed the fragrance of pure green cut grass, and beautifully painted flowers and the apparently "unpolluted" air. With a smirk of pure pleasure at the perfectness of the day, he straightened his already straight tie, smoothed over his every-middle-class-man's dark suit and made his way through suburbia and onto the streets of Corporate America.

In the streets of Corporate America, middle-class men are seen in the vicinity of upper-class men and lower-class men are fed off the egos of both upper classes. It was here on that ordinary morning, in which something that seemed not so out of the ordinary, became very much so something out of the ordinary and therefore quiet the nuance to Mr. Adam Adler.

He stepped along the gray sidewalks and past the towering buildings of concrete, brick and steel and through the entwining ropes of men and women who hurriedly made their ways from suburbia and to their corporate jobs. Whistles were called, yellow taxies were stopped, car doors were slammed and every few steps the call of “Hey!” was shouted out. It was an unremarkable busy day in Corporate America. But for Adam Adler, it would be neither busy nor unremarkable.

“Please save my chipmunk.”

A voice of a thousand smokers quietly called out and at that exact moment our main character nearly stumbled into the arms of a woman who was covered from head to toe in a mix array of jackets and coats of many fading colors. The jacket themselves were covered in a plethora of foul things: dirt, urine and the gray and white drippings of pigeon poo.

Adam Adler, who had now stopped in his tracks, turned down his nose as if it somehow it could stop the intruding stench and quickly took a step back. “No, thank you.” He replied with a slight nod of his head. This gave the impression that he was looking at the woman and therefore taking notice. In actuality he had merely just glanced over her head so that she became well within the means of sight but some how out of sight. This, of course would allow him to take a step forward or as some would see it through the woman, and onto the rest of his busy and important day.

“Please Sir, please.” She begged again, “Please save my chipmunk.” And it would be these four words that would start the beginning of a ridiculously tiring and utterly annoying day for our Mr. Adam Adler.

But, Adam Adler tried his best to be polite to all forms of society and once again quickly gave her a “No, thank you.” Before attempting to make his way down the side walk of opportunity.

“Please Sir, please.” She begged as she stepped in front of him. It was at this point that Adam gave a quick glance at the woman. “Please save my chipmunk.”

It was an unfortunate thing for Mr. Adler to do for as she said the words he had seen wet, milky colored strings of saliva making their way from her mouth and to his not so new but still in perfectly good condition suit. But it was not the saliva that bothered him, it was the contents he had visualized that came with it. Bits of brown decayed tooth and blacken tooth root and scrapings of yellow flakes of plaque and pink rubbery gum chunks seemed appear out of no where and right onto the sleeve of that not so new corporate suit.

At this point Mr. Adam Alder, who was quiet annoyed, gave a harsh “Excuse me.” and pushed his way past the old woman and to his nine to five job.

That nine to five job of Adam Adler’s, consisted of being stationed at small grey metal desk, pushing buttons on a calculator and pushing white sheets of paper from one person to the next. It was an ordinary job. One in which nothing exciting happened and no one fully understood what it consisted of but continued to travel to everyday with a smile on their face and a suitcase in their hand. And so Adam Adler let the annoyance of the chipmunk slip from his mind and begun his day of unnecessary important pushing of buttons and papers.

As he sat there at his desk, bent over a white page of photo copied paper, he heard a slight thump and felt a warm shoulder press against him. “Hello neighbor.” The familiar voice of Alice Adler cooed in his ear.

Alice Adler in no way was related to Adam Adler but some how, consequently the two Adler’s lived right across the street from each other and equally ironically they worked at the same company and sat directly right across each other. On any other day Alice would have seemed like any other ordinary co-worker but today Alice Adler had done something utterly annoying by stumbling into Adam Adler’s cubicle and onto his shoulder.

“Good morning.” He replied.

“Good morning.” She cooed back, her cheek pressed firmly against his.

It was then that Adam noticed the distinct smell of Rum. “Have you been drinking?”

Alice leaned back and shook her head in an uncontrollable manner. “Noooo way!” she said in a hushed voice. “I’m just having fun.” Instantly her arms went over her head and she began to move her hips in a matter that nearly sent Adam Adler into a nervous frenzy.

Quickly reaching up for her arms he pulled her down and whispered, “Alice you need to go home, you are completely inebriated.”

“I can’t go home, I got to work baby.” She called out, this time a little louder. “I got to make that money honey!”

“Alice, put your skirt down!” Adam fiddle with her hands, until she let go of the black fabric. “You are going to get yourself fired if you don’t get out of here!”

“But what about the party?” she shouted out.

These were the words that would continue Adam Adler’s ridiculously tiring and utterly annoying day. The instant they were spoken the sound of clacking heels could be heard rushing to his desk and the air of overwhelming annoyance could be felt.

“Some one is having a birthday!” was screamed in unison behind him and Adam Adler turned to face some of the most commonly overly happy set of co-workers he had ever had the pleasure to work with. “Some one is having a birthday! Some one is having a birthday!” the round smooth pink faces sang out and Adam continued to watch them and their tooth grins and bright sparkly eyes as they danced with jazz hands in front of him.

“Happy birthday to you, Mr. Adam Adler!” Julie said as she poked him in the middle with a pair of scissors. “Oops, as a member of our safety committee I should know better!” she held the scissors up and flipped their round pointed blades down.

“Safety scissors or not, Mrs. Julie, scissors face down and no pointing!” her equally happy and gay, in all sense of the words, best friend forever Johnny pointed out. “Now, we can have some good old safe birthday fun!”

And so continued a ridiculously, tiring rendition of the most beloved classic, “Happy Birthday” fully carried out with smiling swaying faces and jazz hands. Unfortunately for Adam Adler today was not his birthday and all he could think of was how he could get his hands on the neon orange handles of the safety scissors that happily danced in front of him.

After hours of birthday wishes and group singings, it is of no surprise that Adam Adler was more than eager to make his way home. Carrying the many hand made cards and notes along with a single layer store bought cake that he dare not toss out or leave behind in fear of what his generous co-workers would say to such a gesture, he made his way down the streets of Corporate America and into the heart of suburbia.

Before turning to his house he glanced over to the home of Alice Adler, who had left work earlier that day due to her state of inebriation, and considered dropping by to see how she was doing and share a generous slice of cake. But before he could do so he was once again abruptly startled by another voice, that of Hank the mailman, who when he shouted “Hey there!” had made Adam Adler jump in his skin and nearly lose balance of the bundle in his arms.

“Sorry about that Adam!” Hank said as he re-adjusted his mailbag.

“Oh no problem Hank.” Adam repositioned the cake box and made his way towards his house. “I should get this inside.”

“Oh no problem, I can wait.” The short postal man in long dark blue shorts and light blue buttoned down top followed steps behind Mr. Adler who at that point had already sensed a bubbling form of annoyance that he knew was soon to burst from the man.

Adam opened the door and placed his items on the table right inside before returning. “Any mail for me today Hank?”

“More than just mail my friend.” Were the words that Hank would reply with and they were words that began a ridiculously tiring and utterly annoying conversation that Adam himself would have loved to avoid.

Hank flashed a white envelope in the air and began to sing, “You just got a letter, you just got a letter, you just got a letter, wonder who it’s from!”

Of course Adam Adler, becoming quiet annoyed from the events and people of the day, weakly smiled and played along. “I have no clue Hank.”

“Is it a letter from down under?” Hank replied in his best Australian imitation, “Or is it a letter from maybe Sesame Street!”

At this point Adam Adler’s jaw dropped.

“Oh come on Mr. Adler, don’t tell me that you haven’t heard of Blues Clues or the Koala Brothers.” Hank waited for a reply. “I know you did not miss out on Sesame Street as a kid, everyone watched that.”

Adam of course had watched Sesame Street as a child but as a childless man he had no clue as to what the rest of the conversation was about and was puzzled and very annoyed over the singing which had continued. Instead of being polite and waiting through the tunes of children’s melodies Adam Adler quickly looked over his shoulder and then shouted out “Phone!” and closed the door, leaving Hank the mailman outside, letter in hand and waiting for a return that would never come.

Of course the phone had never rung but with Hank the mailman and all the other tiring and annoying people on the other side of the door, Adam Adler felt a sense of calm and continued on with his ordinary day by washing up and preparing an ordinary meal for what he hoped to be an routine evening.

But on this particular day nothing of the ordinary seemed to remain ordinary and as Adam Adler placed his meal of lemon peppered chicken and rice onto the table beside the clear round and overly fully salad bowl he heard the loud ringing of fire trucks outside his home.

Like the majority of the neighbors in suburbia, Adam Adler stepped away from what he was doing and made his way outside to find that the house directly across the street from him was indeed surrounded by swirls of dark gray smoke and orange snippets of flames that seemed to, within minutes, triple in size and take over the entirety of the house.

For what seemed to be hours Adam Adler watched as firemen dressed in yellow gear and hard hats ran around their shiny red fire trucks and gathered their equipment, brought out their hoses and slowly put the orange flames to rest, leaving a hollowed out frame of a house which sat under now white clouds of smoke. Neighbors slowly moved inside as the excitement died down and the roaring trucks made their way back to their station. And when all was done, in the mist of it all stood Ms. Alice Adler.

On this not so ordinary day Adam Adler made his way to the green patch of grass in which Alice Adler stood and sat quietly beside her.

“Today’s my birthday.” The words came quietly from her lips. “I took a nap, woke up with a bit of a hang over, had a cup of coffee and decided that things would be better.”

Adam of course had no clue as to what she meant by things being better since he had always seen Alice Adler as any other ordinary woman. Still he listened quietly as she continued.

“I hate the holidays.” Her voice was a soft whisper sprinkled with tears, “I hate being alone, no phone calls and no family to celebrate. So I baked me a cake and I tried to light the candle but the match burned too quickly and I dropped it…”

For most people it was a sad story of a woman who lived a lonely life and tragically, while in the mist of attempting to bring joy to it, had made her situation far worst. But for Adam Adler today was not about the ordinary and so as he listened to her words, he could not help but to take notice of her lovely round pink cheeks and her big brown eyes and as he did he thought to himself, “Save my chipmunk.” which forced out a chuckle that startled Alice Adler.

“Well, happy birthday to you.” Adam smiled which in return brought a smile to her face. And at that moment Adam Adler did something that for him was out of the ordinary, he asked her over for dinner and birthday cake.

Adam Adler was like many other ordinary men except for the fact that on this particular day of ridiculously tiring and utterly annoying annoyances he had realized something. That there’s something admirable about the man who brings the joys of fatherhood with him to work and it’s nice to know that you have co-workers who go the distance to be your friend. Even the old woman had taught him something and the words “Save my chipmunk.” took on the same meaning for him as it had for her and with it blossomed a new relation between Mr. and Mrs. Adler.

And so this ends the narration of this short story which was neither romantic nor comedic but was, none the less, in all aspect of the words, simply a short story about Adam Adler, an ordinary man, and his now extraordinary life.

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