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Jun 3, 2011 at 5:03am
#2247659
I think the first time I really felt suicidal was when I was 9. Mainly because of the abuse at home. My mother turned a blind eye after I told her what was going on. She chose her husband over me. I started hurting myself when I was 9, but I don't consider it self-injury like cutting, etc. until I was 14. I never needed stitches, though. Of course, even if I had, I wouldn't have gotten them, so...  I never thought I would actually live past my 18th birthday. Obviously, I did. I then never thought I would make it to graduating college. Did that May 7 of this year.  But it's made things really difficult, I think. Really confusing, because I didn't plan ahead and prepare like I probably should have.When I was 19, my friend across the country actually called the police on me. I think that's the closest I've come to an actual attempt. It was really awkward talking to the police.  I think that was the first time I've actually been eager to tell someone I "only" self-injured, to be honest!My parents didn't care. When I came home that night, I told them that my friend had called the police on me. My dad was only like, "Oh, why, 'cause you're 'so depressed?'" My mom, as usual, managed to make it all about her and how she felt.  She didn't help me with counseling until 3 months later. I'm still a little...baffled at how you can discover your daughter is suicidal to the point of having the police called because someone was afraid she was in crisis, and not addressing it until 3 months afterward.  There was another time--hmm, let me backtrack a bit. I told my mom I self-injured when I was 15. Her only response was that she couldn't deal with it now. And then she promptly forgot about it. She found out a couple more times, I think, but then forgot about it. Supposedly. When I was...20, I think? My whole family ended up seeing my self-injury. My dad said I belonged in the mental hospital, and my mom again...can you guess?...made it all about her. I ended up comforting her. I haven't self-injured in over 2 years now. Last time was April 4, 2009. I haven't made any actual suicide attempts. I still feel suicidal sometimes, though. I think just 'cause it's so familiar, it's easy for my brain to fall back into that way of thinking. Anyways. This is rambling. I think this is a very, very awesome group and very much needed.  And I hope it helps!"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."-Nietzsche Check out "The Ice Floe"     ** Image ID #1250565 Unavailable **    |
