I'm glad you are so much more pleased with your story this time, stolenthrones! I feel the opposite. I know the feelings I wanted to convey, but just couldn't get them down right. And I did way too much telling instead of showing...and I deleted a bunch of my telling.

I wanted to show that he had a difficult relationship with both parents and had confusing feelings towards both. He father abused him, but at times, neither saw it that way because sometimes his father was trying to teach him to be a man. This leads in to him, as an adult, having difficulty recognizing when he's abusing his power.

In the story, I wanted to show him as powerless, which I don't think I did a great job of, and when watching one of the many police shows on TV that he and his father watched together, he recognizes becoming a police officer as a path to power. (DANG IT! THAT was the supposed to be the title! I had the title first, but once I opened the item to create it, I'd forgotten the title and by the end, still couldn't remember it, so I picked Finding Power instead of Path to Power. ) It's why his theme in my story is abuse of power.

The one thing I think I did well, but probably isn't recognized by most, is that I didn't name him until he discovers his path. When he realizes he's going to be a deputy at the very end, that's when you find out his name because that's when he discovers who he is for himself.

I think my ideas were good, but I was unimpressed with my execution of them. No obligation to read, but if you do, I'd appreciate any comments on how I can make him a better character. I can't change the story until after judging, but at least it might help me write him better as an adult.

"Finding Power"