Hello Jeff  ,
My Thoughts:
Presenting a fantasy story via a flyer/news article is quite clever. It gives you a way to draw the reader in, making them part of the story as they imagine themselves in that world reading the article, asking themselves what sort of character would they be, and what would they buy?
My Favorite Part:
This story writes itself into the mind of the reader. You gave us hints, that there is this magical shop, and for reasons undisclosed it had a lot of trouble getting off the ground. For me, it opened up a whole landscape of possible catastrophes, from escaped products, to shipping issues, to magical items reacting badly with each other. The possibilities are endless, and by not telling us, those disasters are ours to imagine.
My Suggestions:
One change I would make is in the shop's hours. From dawn to dusk sounds nice, but there's a whole group of magical beings that can't go out in sunlight, so they wouldn’t be able to shop there.
Thank you,
~Noyoki
Write On!!
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 You responded to this review 02/15/2013 @ 1:56pm EST |
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Review #3825419
