(Disclaimer: any opinions are strictly my own, to do with as you will. Keep what you find helpful, toss the rest with yesterday's paper)
The title on this piece is a solid choice. I am horrible with titles, so this is something I can appreciate. The diction is fitting. The plot is a cute one, and well narrated. Rhyme and flow are excellent.
Use of 'details' twice in the first stanza feels repetitive.
The line 'And then you the security guards found' seems to be lacking some punctuation. I don't want to offer a suggestion, because I'm not one hundred percent on what. This piece shys away from end-of-line punctuation, but is true to English standards within the lines themselves.
I love the amusing imagery of 'You as a bartender, me a waiter'
This is a great humorous bit of poetry, and I quite enjoyed it. Thankyou for sharing. Write On!
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 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
 You responded to this review 02/15/2013 @ 5:38pm EST |
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Review #3825565
