(Disclaimer: any opinions are strictly my own, to do with as you will. Keep what you find helpful, toss the rest with yesterday's paper)
So often it is overlooked that the shorter the piece, the more polished it must be to be effective.
In this strong piece, you have managed maximum impact-per-character. The title is descriptive and captivating. The narrative is well-written and concise. The story is a very enjoyable read. You create a great mental image through this simply written story. The elipses works very well to heighten the drama for the final reveal. The dialogue is effective and natural.
The tense seems to waver in this piece.
You do have a small typo: 'After an hours, we crested'. You may have edited out a few words after 'hours'. ('After an hours' trip, we crested' ?) but as it stands, 'hour' is needed
The phrase 'pointing to something in the distance' may flow better as 'pointing off into the distance. If you were functioning with a 300-word limit, this would also buy you word (Alex ) to use elsewhere.
Loved the ending. Great final sentence.
Thankyou for another well-written piece. Write On!
Review #3825584
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You responded to this review 02/15/2013 @ 5:35pm EST