Hi Leger~ 
 This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Invalid Item"  !
Disclaimer
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
What I liked:
 I love the genre in which you have written this piece. Crime and gangster items are interesting, aren't they? Ever since 'The Godfather.' So I was interested to read this story. And you didn't disappoint. The two men, Merv and Hendon, work for Girado, a gangester who uses them as hitmen. It would appear he has been using them (Hendon, at least) for a long time. This is Hendon's 100th hit for Giordano. Merv is his partner in crime. However, Hendon has had enough. He's sick of all the headaches and stress of the job, and he wants to disappear. I was waiting to see where you would take the story. I suspected it was going to be bad news for Merv. And it was.
I like how you show the different characters in these two men. Hendon appears serious and more business-like. Merv, on the other hand, seems like a bit of a joker. He's also a talker, and that is what leads to his downfall. Poor Merv. He thought Hendon was his mate. And, maybe he was, at one time. But that time is not now.
I love how Merv suggests going with Hendon to his paradise destination in the sun (who couldn't use that right now?). You write, "'Maybe.' Hendon straightened and looked around." This nice show of body language gives your reader the first hint that Merv might be in trouble. That's nicely done. I did think, were I Hendon, I probably would have done the same thing. Merv seems like he had a big mouth. I could imagine him running it off in the wrong place.
Suggestions: It took me a little while to get lost in this story. I think it was probably more down to me than anything you did or didn't write. I just got a bit confused about who was saying what at the beginning.
Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. I kind of pictured these men as a cross between Tony Soprano and one of the Blues Brothers. It made me smile.
Choconut
   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review #4743042
