Hi GERVIC  ,
This review is a part of "Invalid Item"  . 
Overall Impression:
This is a beautifully written poem. It describes an event so common, so simple, and yet it is filled with meaning. That takes a lot of skill.
I love the imagery in this piece. The weeping petals, bending under the weight of the water, and then the light, and the rainbows. It paints a beautiful picture. There is some lovely wording in there as well. The crystal tears, and the painting of the freshened air, for example. Very nice.
On the technical side of things, this poem reads well. It has a pleasant rhythm and flow. Good, consistent rhyme, too. Excellent work!
Suggestions:
I have just the one suggestion, Gervic. You use punctuation in your poem and I thank you for that. Punctuation in poetry aids the overall clarity and reading experience. It guides the reader along. On first read, however, there were places where I tripped up because the punctuation was not what I expected. Some lines that are the end of a natural sentence end with a comma instead of a period, and that confused and distracted me.
For example:
But as the storm-clouds part and light grows fair,
The flowers lift, with rainbows in their gleams,
Transformed by rain, they paint the freshened air.
The sentence seems to end after 'gleams', so I expected:
But as the storm clouds part and light grows fair
the flowers lift, with rainbows in their gleams.
Transformed by rain, they paint the freshened air.
I know that I began that second line with a lower case - I prefer to allow the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. I know that opinions on that differ, though. But I do recommend having a look at the punctuation.
My Rating:
This is a lovely, beautifully-written poem. I was happy to read it.
I did have one suggestion - I stumbled over the punctuation on first read. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.
Thank you for sharing your work.
Write on!
Kit
 
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Review #4743498
