Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Invalid Item"  , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win 
Judging by the folder you’ve placed it in, I’m assuming this item was written for the latest GoT that we’re in. Perhaps it would be nice to have the prompt included at the bottom, if there was one. I found this listed in the Online Authors sidebar and thought it looked interesting.
It is indeed interesting, written in a brief and mysterious way that feels like the opening chapter to an exciting romance novel. You’ve left us with plenty of questions to continue on with, and I think it’s a good premise, though perhaps a bit trite and “used before.” But I don’t really read romance or novels in general, so I wouldn’t know. I would suggest placing a scene divider, merely a few centered stars will do, between the shift in perspectives, as we aren’t quite expecting it.
Your words set the scenes well and create the pictures in our minds, with the “flowery purple dress” and the busy city streets contrasting with the countryside in their shared dreams.
I don’t have much to suggest for revision here. It’s a pretty little story, written with elegance and mystique.
Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing 
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
 
" Invalid Item"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
 You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore |
|
|
Review #4744576
