Hi Amethyst Angel šš  ,
 This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Invalid Item"  !
Disclaimer
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
What I liked ...
 This story is fantastic! I think I had a smile on my face from the very beginning to the last word you've written. These two elderly ladies are great characters. I love how they bicker and disagree, but you know that they are actually the best of friends. June, the narrator, is more reserved and just a little bt grumpy. Elsie, however, is more outgoing and eager to make this trip. I love June's grumpiness and the way she describes Elsie as always having "harebrained activities" that she drags June on. Elsie is excited to go on the treasure hunt. She wants to win the prize. When she says that part of the prize is a "lifetime subscription to Pure Fix." I laughed. I've no idea what Pure Fix is, but Elsie goes on to say, "Who wouldn't want that?" I think the answer to that might be: June.
You have some great descriptions in this story, particularly of Elsie's and June's ageing bodies. The creaks and groans as they bend and almost bump heads. I completely believed in these women, and in their age. Also, there are some lovely descriptions of the setting. From the, "mountain range on the Cumberland plateau" as they drive parallel to it, to the "musty scent of aged wood enveloping us" when they enter the store. You place your reader right inside the story world with your characters, and it's a really enjoyable place to be.
I loved the conclusion of Elsie and June's action, when Elsie tripped the thief and they fell in a tangle together. That made me laugh out loud. I loved the way you set the mystery, too. I mean, a treasure hunt is naturally mystrious, and you are there to solve it. But, the mystery of the notes and Apple items in the trunk adds to this. It's really well done.
Suggestions: Not really suggestions; more like observations. I felt like you were teasing us about something to come when you wrote that Elsie and June realised they were the only females on the treasure hunt. It feels like quite a big deal is made of this, and I expected this to be key to the rest of the story. I was also curious to know why June needed the money (her reason for taking Elsie on this treasure hunt). Maybe it was simply that her old-age pension didn't stretch, but the way she mentioned it made me think there might be more to come about that.
Parting comments: What is a Cracker Barell? I've never heard of one of those. I enjoyed this story a lot. These are two fantastic characters, and I could envisage them having many more adventures together.
Choconut
   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
 You responded to this review 04/15/2024 @ 11:12am EDT |
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Review #4745051
