Greetings from the House of Mormont!
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Hi again!
This is great advice on writing fiction . We see the vivid differences in the writing between your first example and second, and the point of view is brought home with drama and care. Plus we get lots of words from you, explaining the reasoning behind it all.
I chuckled when you said that about the Wikipedia article on France in 1815… I’d probably want to read it myself if I was interested. In fact, I might prefer to read the objective, sterile report of facts rather than the harsh, visceral reality of a story about the situation. Sometimes I shy away from grittiness in my writing, which leads to having a sort of childish, fairytale quality. It’s good to remember that vivid writing is more memorable and meaningful than “bland” writing. I also have tendencies to narrate stories, especially with first drafts. I like to get it down in almost a summary fashion and then dive into the experience from a deeper and more active perspective second time around.
As before, I recommend Size 4 Verdana font.
Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing 
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Review #4747941
