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Review #4749522
Viewing a review of:
How To Make Gold Open in new Window. [E]
A young scientist in the lab
by Amethyst Angel šŸšŸ™ Author Icon
Review of How To Make Gold  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Amethyst Angel šŸšŸ™ Author Icon

Thank you for entering your poem into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry ContestOpen in new Window.. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "How To Make GoldOpen in new Window., in affiliation with "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window..

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a great poem that made me laugh out loud in places. I love the humour in it. The way you tell a story through your poetry really appeals to me.

Voice/Tone: The narrative voice is warm and funny. The tone of the poem, while speaking of Sam's endeavours and his problems and triumphs, is light and not-too serious. It makes for a great, entertaining read.

Mechanics: This poem is not any set form, buy you do have a consistent rhyme scheme of abab, cdcd, etc. This rhyme helps to move the poem along at a great pace, and it also helps to set the light-hearted tone.

Rhythm: Mostly, the rhythm is good, but there are places where it is a little bumpy. I would suggest you just count the syllables and the stresses on each line. Read the poem out loud. That will help you to hear where the rhythm is off. I have a few suggestions, and I'll note them under the 'Suggestions' heading.

My Favourite Part: The humour is fab. I love the end, where you say Sam shared out his money "like beans." In terms of poetically, I like the first few lines the best. They have a perfect rhythm and rhyme, and they are smooth and fluid. This really hooked me. I was intrigued to see where Sam's story would take me.

Suggestions: Firstly, "Whom he knew" should be who. I will put my suggestions for meter in a dropnote for your convenience.
Suggestions for Rhythm / Meter
I also have a question. I didn't understand, "Because gold to one person is dead." I'm not sure what it means.

Thanks for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed reading it.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

Plaque for being Angel Army's Reviewer of the Month in April 2024.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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