 First Impressions:
I have to admit that I clicked on this story because Lucifer is an old favourite of mine. I’ve written two and a half novels about him, and I’m always curious what other writers do with this character. Well, it was difficult to tell from this prologue but I’m willing to bet that apart from the name, they will have very little in common  I noticed that you have other stories which mention Damien, so I’m guessing he is one of your favourite characters to write about.
I’m probably not your target audience because I’m primarily here to give you a review on your anniversary, but I find myself torn now because this was a very intriguing start and I want to know more. Your opening paragraph was a great hook with excellent descriptions that made it easy to imagine the scene and made me want to read on. It was quite a horrific setting - the satanists had rounded up the family as an offering to Satan, and they would have succeeded in their fiery endeavour had it not been for Damien’s arrival. I liked that the last line indicated that the children got away, but Damien’s fate wasn’t so clear. Again, this worked well to make me want to keep reading!
 Suggestions:
You said you don’t want any suggestions and even if you did, I couldn’t help because I didn’t actually find a single thing wrong with this story. So I’m going to use this space to point out a line that I thought was particularly well done, and it’s the last one:
Unfortunately, no matter how much he didn't look back, that night would stay with him for many years to come.
I thought the way you expressed this was great and it summed up the emotions the characters must have felt at that moment.
 Final Thoughts:
I was curious what he thought he might not see (in the second-last sentence). I felt like I missed something, or like this was another clever way of piquing my interest and making me turn to the next chapter. Speaking of missing things, I’m pretty sure that if I had read your other Damien stories, I would have understood more about what he was doing there, not that prior knowledge of who he was is necessary but it might have helped. I noticed that the woman’s name was Lilith which was an interesting choice and unlikely a coincidence, and, to cut a long story short, I’m going to go and read the next chapter now
** Image ID #2153781 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
 You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore |
|
|
Review #4752917
