About This Author
I am a 40 year old married mother of two teenage boys. I live for writing, especially romance. Love the happily ever after scenerio. The best thing about writing for me is the ability to lose yourself in your work, and feel as if you've accomplished something great. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.
Review #4773350
Viewing a review of:
 Manic Monday  [E]
Technology at work on Monday.
by Purple Wishing WDC Happy 24th
Review of Manic Monday  
Review by Allan Charles
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hi, Purple!

This a lovely short poem about technology not working. That is so frustrating, to start your work week on Monday, only to struggle getting the internet, computer, etc. to start up. We rely on technology. I work at a restaurant, and when the WiFi goes down, it is seriously such a mess, so I could relate to this poem.

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This poem was easy to follow along with. It was easy to understand which I appreciated. Sometimes poetry can have hidden meanings, which isn't a bad thing. But sometimes it is nice to read something straightforward. *Laugh*

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The only thing I noticed as far as grammar is your punctuation and capitalization is a bit off. Typically, I suggest either adding punctuation to the ends of your lines, or not using punctuation at all at the end of your lines. For example, I've listed your poem below...

This place is possessed,
I swear it's true *BulletR* I would add a period at the end of this line.
No printer connection,
the wifi's down too, *BulletR* I would change the comma to a period at the end of this line.
No phone to play
Or work to do *BulletR* This is a continuation of the previous line, so I would un-capitalize "Or." I would also add a period at the end of this line.
Technology certainly
Hates a Manic Monday *BulletR* Same as above, I would un-capitalize "Hates." I also wasn't sure why you capitalized "Manic."
like me *Bulletr* If you decide to utilize periods at the end of your lines, I would also just add a period at the end of this one.

Alternatively, you could simply removed all the commas that end the lines, and fix the couple of capitalization problems. These are not major though, and could really just be part of your style. Regardless, it doesn't draw the reader away from the flow and feel of the poem which is the important part.

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Overall, I found this poem to have a great flow and read quite easily. I liked the imagery, I could picture a frustrated worker trying to start their day at the office and their computer won't boot up. I also really liked the freeform style you used. You started with some rhymes, and then ending the poem without rhyming. Sometimes that can be difficult to accomplish well, but you did a great job!

Well done, and thanks for sharing!


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