Hello, Amethyst Angel šš!
 Overall Impression:
Your poem delivers a strong emotional punch, portraying the hopelessness of seeking peace in a mind weighed down by mistrust and sorrow.
Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
The poem's consistent AABB rhyme scheme gives it a steady rhythm that parallels the speaker's ongoing internal struggle. This contrasts with the narrator's disordered feelings, adding to the sense of entrapment. The short lines create a sense of inevitability and desperation to escape. However, the rhythm is quite abrupt in places and pulls the reader out of the flow. This is particularly evident in "Never quite finding it, though I struggle and strive" and "I stand alone, cold, confused, only misery composed." The first instance could be corrected with punctuation—perhaps a semicolon. The second example I would rework, weighing the need for both "cold" and "only."
Content:
You've effectively captured the narrator's emotional struggles and inability to escape their detrimental looping thought patterns. Most readers will empathize with this plight and easily pick up on the internal conflict, longing for solace, and mistrust.
Grammar and Mechanics:
I found no glaring grammar concerns. You've used excellent imagery and chosen a solid structure for the poem's concept.
Final Thoughts:
The exploration of inner pain is a powerful tool for both the writer and reader and can help untangle the cycle of self-talk.
Thank you for sharing your work with us!
JayNaNoOhNo  
 You responded to this review 09/12/2024 @ 9:00am EDT |
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Review #4775319
