Greetings, Kiya!
Ah, a “slice of life,” “kitchen sink drama” type of story, full of the dreary reality of the life of an Everyman character. You paint your setting well, and have captured the essence of the painting, adding the apple on the desk in a surrealist way, as if hinting at more which we cannot quite see. There’s a rise and fall of timeline, from the dissatisfaction of the current situation, through the tension of bringing him to the office, and finally the all-too-familiar letdown of the firing.
As one who didn’t get too many stories posted for GoT, I admire the way you spun out so much content that is of excellent quality from what I’ve seen. I have little to suggest here except perhaps if you care to draw it out somehow. As a vignette of the workaday life, it’s great, full of atmosphere and detail.
If you wanted to go further, you could develop your main character into a more rounded and engaging person. Give him a secret, a goal, a dream; something that we can root for. Also ensure that he learns something about himself or the world around him by the time the story is finished, which will be built into the overarching theme or worldview of the story. A development arc requires conflicts both internal and external, and this is already hinted at by his dissatisfaction with his life as it is. Does he really love his wife? Is he tired, depressed, disinterested? Give him something to spring him into action and set the story moving, something to sweep us up and make us want to see what happens next.
Ok, that’s all rather trite. I have a tendency to take people’s works at face value, which makes it hard to say anything other than “hey, great story!” These are just some humble suggestions from what I’ve learned from others around here.
Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing 
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
 You responded to this review 09/10/2024 @ 5:52pm EDT |
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Kiya is a young woman with many interests. She's got a degree in Computer Science and Registered Nursing.
Review #4775354
