Hello, iKïyå§ama,
Here is a review for your "The Chat"  , if only because I felt something was missing in my WdC life and I realized that I hadn't read -for some time- one of your  creations.
Comments and Observations:
How do I love thee, "The Chat," as a story?
First, the first paragraph. Splendid intro with superb imagery and I was immediately cast into the speaker's life.
Then, I love the ending line: "Savour every moment she could get away with anything." What an excellent ending and thought! I should learn to apply it to my own life.
And everything in between is so life-like and normal for a family stuck together in a car during a trip and their interaction around the hotel pool, later. I wished I could see and hear more about them in a much longer piece; however, I understand the 1000 words rule of the Cramp and I think you did wonders with it.
As to the impressions I got, I kind of didn't like the parents giving the sister the responsibility of caring for her little brother. Then, the sister's cleverness mixed with sweetness also touched me. Her idea of the so called "ghost" converted into one word "chat" for her brother's silence was hilarious.
The simple actions by the family members add to the feeling of sincerity and spontaneity of the story, and also, the contrasts such as: the hot car versus the relief of the hotel pool, the father trying to find music on the radio while "Whizzy Bang the DJ" was "chattering," and the tension inside the car and the humor in the "chat" threat.
At the same time, I'm truly amazed at your art of defining the characters so well through their actions and dialogue without using long descriptions and also making each character quite different from one another. You rendered--with great skill--the relatability and the dynamics between the siblings, the father's cluelessness, and the mother's frustration.
As to the voice, it is distinct and fitting for the protagonist's age and perspective. Come to think of it, any other member of this family couldn't do it half as well.
The only suggestion I might have, however disregarding the 1000 words rule of the contest, could be the sudden jumps from one scene to another. Especially the transition from the car scene to the hotel pool could be smoother; however, I understand the restrictiveness of the rules.
Splendid, clever, and entertaining, and it is always a pleasure for me to read your stories. I hope many more will follow.
Best wishes with your work.
 
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
 You responded to this review 09/17/2024 @ 10:04am EDT |
|
|
Kiya is a young woman with many interests. She's got a degree in Computer Science and Registered Nursing.
Review #4776311
