Review of When Doves Cry

About This Author

Kiya is a young woman with many interests. She's got a degree in Computer Science and Registered Nursing.

She's an avid reader and considers Stephen King one of her favorite authors.

She's also been known to pen one or two stories here and there, and as a proud moderator of Writing.Com, she invites you to check out her portfolio (and even better, to sign up today!).

Published Works:

Review #4776575

Viewing a review of:

When Doves Cry

[13+]
*She gets the news of her husband's passing in Iraq
by iKïyå§ama

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#4776575

Review of When Doves Cry

Review by JACE

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Access: Public | Hide Review (?)

An Angel Army Review

Hi iKïyå§ama

.

I'm JACE

, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "When Doves Cry"

.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

Overall Impression. Good morning, Kiya. I found your item on the site's Read & Review feature.

This was indeed one of the most poignant stories I've read in quite some time. I know you had a prompt from which to work, but you covered it completely. Using italics for the caller and regular font for Mrs. DeLois sets the stage well. It's very easy to follow.

One point that struck me--military notifications are not done by phone. Each service assigns two or more people to make such notification in person. Having been part of such a team once, I recognize the awesome responsibility and the solemn nature.

I was surprised that the prompt included a death by friendly fire. That certainly begs a number of questions from the family. But I suspect you had a certain number of words available for your entry.

Remembering her husband as the caller drones on was very well written.

Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

At one point, you write: ... caressing the small and barely visible mound, knowing that yet another new life was going to be created. I thought the 'barely visible mound' meant she was already pregnant. This conflicted with the part 'new life was going to be created. At least in my mind.