I'm JACE, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Impromptu" .
I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.
Overall Impression. And we come to the end of my mini-raid. This is the 3rd of three reviews. I thought I'd take a look at your poetry. You have quite a number of selections; but this one caught my eye.
I like Improv in the theater, and though I'm not very good at it, I'm impressed by those who are. I wondered what it would be like in a poem.
You cover a bit of time in your offering as you observe that which goes on about you. From a sweltering day to the evening with a light rain. Watching above you as swooping birds change to stars and the dawn of another day. I must admit I'm not sure I caught your reference to improvisation. Improvisation signifies something done without preparation. I suspect I'm reading too much into your poem.
That said, I did enjoy your thoughts and words at face value. Tying your first and third stanzas together with the same first line helped with continuity. It's almost lyrical to me.
I had to remember your background. My first thought was how can one sweat in 31 degrees. It quickly dawned on me you were using Celsius. That temperature with a high humidity could easily feel like 100 degrees Fahrenheit. You might include a note on that to forego any misunderstanding.
You indicate this offering was for a contest. You don't say how you fared, but I hope you did well.
My Rating. 4.5.
Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
Review #4777073
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 09/21/2024 @ 10:45am EDT