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About This Author
 Writing poetry allows me to exercise my imagination and share it with others. I strive to write for the benefit of the reader using carnival fun mirror images of my life's experiences.
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 Review #4780888 |
 | Samhain  [E] When the veil is thin the spirits come in.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Invalid Item"   First Impressions: A fitting story for the season. I admit that’s why I chose to read it, and I’m glad I did. Well, it’s a good story and I enjoyed it, but it did creep me out a bit. I don’t believe in things like Ouija boards, but at the same time, I would never try it out myself. The narrator in this story also came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a good idea, but only after he had meddled with it, twice. The first time, he wasn’t the person receiving the message and didn’t quite realise the significance. The second time, the message was scarier in its delivery and also closer to home. I thought the message itself was well written, in caps with multiple repetitions, which had a great impact and made it sound even scarier. I could imagine the frantic movements on the board very well here. I don’t know if he should have done something, or if there was anything he could have done. After all, who would have believed his story? It might have been too late anyway. But he just went home, put on some music and got a drink before falling asleep. And yet, when the phone rang, he immediately knew that what the board had foretold had happened. It felt like he had a chance to do something here, but that wasn’t what the story was about. It was a good, simple horror story that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.  Suggestions: I noticed a couple of small errors: worked just few blocks away There seems to be a word missing, “just a few”. explain all it's Celtic roots You need “its” without the apostrophe, the possessive form of the pronoun it, meaning belonging to it. I also noticed a couple of paragraphs with a few lines of dialogue where you didn’t add a paragraph break after each line. I assume this was a style choice because the sentences were short and it might have looked odd to space them out, but I would still suggest using correct spacing like you did with the rest of the story. If the sentence look too short, you could always add some action to the dialogue. For example in the first one: "Have you made plans for this Halloween?" Ian asked. "No I haven't. It's just another day to me," I answered. He said, "You need to get off base more, my friend." What was Ian doing when he asked the question? He could have taken a swig of his beer, or swirled the whiskey around in his glass. He could have studied the narrator closely, pursed his lips as if considering inviting him. The narrator could have scoffed, thought about how that tradition was never important to him, before he answered. Ian could have laughed or shaken his head before he replied. You get the idea. Anything to flesh that scene out a little would have helped to make those three short sentences more interesting.  Final Thoughts: The ending was great. The readers are by now fully signed up to the powers of the Ouija board and are sure that, earlier that evening, it had foretold the death of the narrator’s grandfather, but if they still had any doubt, the picture falling of the wall was a nice touch, and a good way to end the tale. I enjoyed the read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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