Hello Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏,
my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Invalid Item"  . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.
 First Impression:
Well, that was quite an adventure! You jumped straight into the action with the blaring alarm. I thought the explanation worked well to show the readers where they were and why the situation was perilous for the main character. I have to admit, I didn’t particularly warm to him throughout the tale though. I’m sure the tight word limit is to blame for the lack of character development, and the quite involved plot. There was a lot going on, from the spaceship blowing up to the rescue by his old friend, to the part where he travels back in time to warn himself of the dangers of this mission. It was quite an ambitious project for such a short story.
The time travel part was fun with the past and future Nathan and the Professor. The repetition of ‘past’ and ‘future’ was perhaps a little too much after a while, but I can’t think of any way you could have avoided that. I’m not sure about the science and would have appreciated a bit more detail how this was possible, but again, I assume it was the word limit that prevented lengthy explanations.
 Suggestions:
I only noticed one (potential) error:
aiming a subduction beam on him
I didn’t know what ‘subduction’ means so I googled it, and I don’t think you used it correctly here.
And I thought this line didn’t read quite right: The two Nathans stared each other down for many minutes. It might be personal preference but I think it would sound better as “for a while” or something like that.
 Final Thoughts:
I think the plot would be ideal for a longer story. Here, it seemed that you didn’t have enough words to play with to go into the necessary details the story needed, like Nathan’s emotional depth and the implications of time travel. That’s not to say that this isn’t a good story, on the contrary. I think it would be worth expanding it and exploring the consequences of time travel, such as paradoxes or moral dilemmas.
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
 You responded to this review 11/16/2024 @ 6:04pm EST |
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Review #4783069
Official Judge's Review 
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