Review of Mariposa - InkSpot.Com

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Review #4784411

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Mariposa

[13+]
Life is unbearable when all hope is lost.
by NickiD89

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#4784411

Review of Mariposa

Review by Tiggy

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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First Impressions:

A very uplifting story. The main character had made her decision and chosen a date, and once she had done that, nothing could stop her. Well, except perhaps that sign that she had asked for, almost mockingly because she didn’t believe that anyone was listening.

I liked how you told this story, with that bleak first line that was sure to catch the readers’ attention, and then immediately showing the readers what she could no longer see, the beauty of life. Hers wasn’t really exciting anymore, and she had given up on it. It was interesting that she was feeling a sense of relief once she had made her decision, was almost feeling better, so much so that even her husband noticed and tried to tap into this newfound cheer. But it wasn’t enough and she was sure about her choice, which came across very clearly in her thoughts and you expressed it well.

Suggestions:

The story was very well written and I only noticed to (possible) errors:

it was a long time since she noticed
Should that say, “it had been a long time”?

shock and gratitude shown in her eyes
I think this might either be “showed” one perhaps “shone”? (I like the second option.)

Final Thoughts:

There were some lovely descriptions. I especially liked how you described the way her husband recognized the flickering flame of cheer in her eyes, and in contempt of the relentless wind that threatened to blow it out, he tried to help her. But after a while, he conceded defeat, setting his love for her on a shelf alongside the other impotent curios. Both those lines are beautiful and show both his feelings for her and the helplessness he was feeling. You didn’t portray him as the bad guy, only as someone who couldn’t change how she was feeling.

The butterflies in this story are a nice touch, a recurring theme representing hope and, in the end, the answer to a half-hearted prayer. I can’t imagine that this one incident would be able to heal her, and the depression wouldn’t magically go away, but there is hope for her that wasn’t there at the beginning so the readers come away with a feeling of contentment. A good story!

A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group"

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