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World Builders, LLC

Some people believe that God created the world in seven days. In a way, that's kind of true. But in a way, it's also kind of not. If you want the honest truth, our world was technically created by a guy named Doug.

Here's the deal. It takes seven days to create a world. Everybody knows that. You just can't put one together any faster than that. You need light, firmament, land, living creatures... all that good stuff. And with all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies of the universe, it's just crazy to think that God and the other supreme beings could create all those worlds by themselves, even with all of eternity to do it.

Welcome to World Builders, LLC... an outsourcing company that guarantees you the world of your dreams, without all the hassle of creating it yourself. World Builders, LLC has been the name in world creation services for eons, and boasts a client list that reads like a who's who of comparative religion... God, Allah, Odin, Zeus, Ra... all the big names use these guys. Sure, it's kind of a monopoly, but the company offers great service at a reasonable price, so no one's really complaining.

Anyway, you come in and meet with a world creation consultant. In the case of Planet Earth, God drew Doug (which is a good thing, because as far as consultants go, Doug is very, very good at his job). Some guys make a mess of things and end up with dead planets like Neptune... but Doug sports the company record for the highest ratio of inhabitable planets to planets created. He's even won awards for his work.

So anyway, Doug sits God down and takes some notes. Earth. Small to medium sized planet, lots of water, some mountains, the usual. So Doug sets God up with a bare-bones system. Sure, you can create everything from scratch, but sometimes a deity just wants to get the tedious part of the process done and get right to the fun part.

It's difficult to explain the monetary system of deities, so we'll use good old-fashioned U.S. dollars as a placeholder.

So you've got the bare-bones planet (day and night, heaven and earth, land and sea and plants, seasons, etc.). That's $999.99. You have to add in some lower-rung animals like birds and sea creatures, so we'll call those $0.89 apiece. Now, you're definitely going to want some animals higher up on the evolutionary scale like livestock and reptiles, but those are going to cost you. They're like $2.99 each. Then you get to the humans. They're the most expensive part of creating a world, retailing around $9.99 a pop. Needless to say, when creating worlds, deities will often only start with the minimum number of people necessary to procreate and continue the species.

Once all that's done, Doug shakes hands with God and gets to work creating the world. The seventh day, often referred to as the day of rest, is actually the day the papers are signed. God gets invoiced and brings payments to the signing, at which point the money and all right, title and interest to the planet switch hands. From there, the deal is done, and God has a new world.

So there you have it. God (and Doug) created Planet Earth for the very reasonable price of $34,839.

With the help of a little startup capital and a helpful customer service rep like Doug, you too can create a world. Call today... operators are standing by.

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