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 Review #4784306 |
 | Slivermoon  [13+] Am I living the dream, or dreaming the life?  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I wonder if this was an actual dream you had. My guess would be that some elements probably turned up in a dream, and you weaved a very intriguing tale around it. The whole thing reads like a metaphor for something – I’m not sure what it is; it might be something personal or, as you hinted in the description, life in general. Either way, it was a very interesting read and I, like the narrator, found myself lost in this dreamworld trying to understand. Not that understanding is necessary - the readers can just enjoy the ride, the evocative descriptions and the feeling of dread and horror that creeps up their spine as they follow the narrator into the building. It is not the kind of building that would offer shelter and safety; on the contrary, inside of it the narrator seems in an even more perilous situation than before.  Suggestions: This isn’t a new story so you might not be interested in edits, but I found a few small errors: the far wall comes more into to focus Omit “to” after “into”. In its line of site You need “sight” as in, seeing something. “Site” refers to a location or place. a pedestal displaying some ancient tome. I tripped over this as I believe it’s one tome, but “some” seems to indicate it’s several. “an ancient tome” might work better. Where it been erratically darting back and forth There seemed to be a word missing. “Where it has been…”? the temple I running from Again, just a missing word. “I was running”. And I noticed that you referred to the eye as the “Eye” with a capital letter most of the time, but there were a few occasions where it was simply an “eye”. For consistency, I think they should all either be capitalised (which, I thought, worked quite well), or not.  Final Thoughts: Those were all just minor errors and I think it’s worth the time to fix them because you have an otherwise very polished story here. It was an interesting and thought provoking read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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